Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Crimes is a very difficult topic to discuss because everyone has a different opinion on it especially when we talk about young
people
. In my opinion
kids and teenagers should not be punished as an adult Add a comma
opinion,
with
Change preposition
for
crime
like robbing but Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
violent
attack is something different. Correct article usage
a violent
Unfortunetlly
, anger issues Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
is
a very serious Change the verb form
are
menatl
health problem Correct your spelling
mental
that is
very popular
nowadays.
The first Correct word choice
common
think
to talk about is Correct your spelling
thing
Correct article usage
the couse
couse
of that Correct your spelling
cause
crime
. Is the person
ill or maybe just boried
? Correct your spelling
bored
buried
This
are aspects that should be checked before the verdict. Some Correct pronoun usage
These
of
Change preposition
apply
younge
Correct your spelling
young
people
are looking for attention or got
lost in Wrong verb form
get
this
world and I think that cruel punishment is not the answer to that. In my opinion
we should help them to get back on track. Add a comma
opinion,
For example
by giving community work and sending to
therapy, Correct pronoun usage
them to
eventally
if the Correct your spelling
eventually
crime
is more serious they should go to jail but with offert
help to be a Correct your spelling
offered
batter
Correct your spelling
better
person
.
On the other hand
, some off
Replace the word
of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
people
are not a good person
but with a check-up before the trial
it would come to light. Add a comma
trial,
People
like that should be judged as an adult. In situation
like that the judge Add an article
a situation
need
to take every Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
asspect
of the case, Correct your spelling
aspect
menatl
health and intentions of the criminalist, only in that way we can have a whole view Correct your spelling
mental
on
the situation.
In conclusion, we can see that the punishment should depend Change preposition
of
of
the Change preposition
on
person
who did the crime
. Not everyone should get a second chance but we should have
in mind that Verb problem
keep
younge
Correct your spelling
young
people
make mistakes and we are here to help. Furthermore
, I stand by that because our world is a difficult place to live right now. Therefore
, we should not judge a book by its cover.Submitted by alicja.gebarowska on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the progression of ideas is smooth and logical throughout the essay. Avoid jumping from one idea to another without proper transitions.
coherence cohesion
Including an introduction that clearly addresses the essay prompt and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your position would strengthen the essay. Make sure the introduction and conclusion are distinct and serve their respective purposes.
coherence cohesion
Develop the main points with more specific details and examples. Aim to include relevant examples that support your argument in each body paragraph, helping to explain and justify your position.
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay should include a clear opinion and a discussion of both points of view, supported by reasons and/or examples.
task achievement
Strive for clear and comprehensive ideas by organizing each paragraph around a single main idea and avoiding unnecessary digressions. Back up each idea with explanation or example to demonstrate how it relates to the overall argument.
task achievement
Use a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to express specific examples. The use of varied sentence structures and more precise vocabulary will help to clarify the points and make the essay more engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!