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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in the first quarter of 2019

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The diagram illustrates the online sales of three different types of gadgets and they are smartphones,
laptops
Use synonyms
 and
tablets
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 in the first four months of 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,smartphones were the best seller in
March
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 reaching 70
million
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units
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.Meanwhile,
laptops
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 were the best sellers in
January
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 and April at 50
million
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 and 55
million
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units
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 respectively .
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in February,
tablets
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 peaked at 65
million
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units
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 and were the best seller among the others.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning,
tablets
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 had 30
million
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unit
Change to a plural noun
units
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 sold. Tablet sales increased and remained the same at 65
million
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units
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 in February and
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march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
. In the
last
Linking Words
 month,
tablets
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 rapidly decreased to 25
million
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units
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 lower than the beginning of the period.Meanwhile, smartphones increased from 45 to 65
million
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units
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 from
January
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 to
March
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in April,
smartphone's
Change noun form
smartphone
show examples
 purchases dropped to approximately 25
million
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units
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.Laptop users in
January
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 reached 50
million
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units
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.
While
Linking Words
 in February,
laptops
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 were purchased at approximately 35
million
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units
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,declined moderately in
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march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
 and hit the bottom at 25
million
Use synonyms
units
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.
While
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 period
Use synonyms
laptops
Fix the agreement mistake
laptop
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 consumers went back to the
January
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 number of sales
units
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, which was around 50
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.

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task response
To improve your task response, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. This involves developing your points more thoroughly and providing a more detailed analysis of the online sales trends of smartphones, laptops, and tablets. Try to interpret the data more deeply, instead of merely describing the changes.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, focus on constructing a clear logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by organizing your paragraphs more effectively and using cohesive devices (transitional words or phrases) to link your ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay. The introduction should briefly overview the main points and set the context, while the conclusion should summarize the key findings without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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