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Band 2.5

The online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in the first quarter of 2019

#sales #smartphones #laptops #tablets #first #quarter
The diagram illustrates the online sales of three different types of gadgets and they are smartphones,
laptops
 and
tablets
 in the first four months of 2019.
Overall
,smartphones were the best seller in
March
 reaching 70
million
units
.Meanwhile,
laptops
 were the best sellers in
January
 and April at 50
million
 and 55
million
units
 respectively .
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in February,
tablets
 peaked at 65
million
units
 and were the best seller among the others.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning,
tablets
 had 30
million
unit
Change to a plural noun
units
show examples
 sold. Tablet sales increased and remained the same at 65
million
units
 in February and
march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
. In the
last
 month,
tablets
 rapidly decreased to 25
million
units
 lower than the beginning of the period.Meanwhile, smartphones increased from 45 to 65
million
units
 from
January
 to
March
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in April,
smartphone's
Change noun form
smartphone
show examples
 purchases dropped to approximately 25
million
units
.Laptop users in
January
 reached 50
million
units
.
While
 in February,
laptops
 were purchased at approximately 35
million
units
,declined moderately in
march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
 and hit the bottom at 25
million
units
.
While
, in the
last
 period
laptops
Fix the agreement mistake
laptop
show examples
 consumers went back to the
January
 number of sales
units
, which was around 50
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Submitted by hai on

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task response
To improve your task response, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. This involves developing your points more thoroughly and providing a more detailed analysis of the online sales trends of smartphones, laptops, and tablets. Try to interpret the data more deeply, instead of merely describing the changes.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, focus on constructing a clear logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by organizing your paragraphs more effectively and using cohesive devices (transitional words or phrases) to link your ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay. The introduction should briefly overview the main points and set the context, while the conclusion should summarize the key findings without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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