IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some companies sponsor sports and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sports #stars #people
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A majority of giant
companies
 prefer to
adverstise
Correct your spelling
advertise
 themselves by sponsoring prevalent
sports
teams
 and athletes. Whilst, certain individuals content the notion that
such
 investments are beneficial
interms
Correct your spelling
in terms
 of fame and popularity, others have a contradictory opinion in which these sponsorships are considered detrimental. It is my contention that the benefit of an advertisement to the audience largely hinges on the promoting company and the product it advertises. First and foremost, advertisement is a massive business market
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in
sports
 events,
companies
 continuously
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 sponsorships to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful athletes and
teams
 in order to market their products
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a whim to boost sales. Regardless of the business area, all
companies
 ranging from energy drinks to airlines are generously financing players and
teams
. To cite an example, Redbull is an energy drink company and they pay huge amounts of sponsorship money to several athletes to just wear their logo and promote their drinks.
Consequently
, Redbull has accomplished
reaminig
Correct your spelling
remaining
 at the top of the most sold energy drink for 2 consecutive decades.
Moreover
, many big airline
companies
 are now competing
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other to make sure that football
teams
 like Barcelona, Real Madrid and Manchester City carry their name during the playoff games to convince fans to fly with
favourite
Correct pronoun usage
their favourite
show examples
 airlines.
On the other hand
, when the promoted products are hazardous to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human health,
this
 opportunity can be undermined and even morph into a disadvantage. To illustrate, some sponsorship offers coming from alcohol
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
can give a bad image to
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and
individuals promoter
Fix the agreement mistake
individual promoters
show examples
, since these two different values contradict each other. Unfortunately, commercialism in
sports
 has now
compelling
Wrong verb form
compelled
show examples
 regulators or even big players to turn a blind eye
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 an unhealthy product
that is
 being advertised to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers.
For instance
, a martial art artist Conor McGregor has received a plethra of
crticism
Correct your spelling
criticism
 over promoting a whiskey brand during his first UFC debut, raising concerns about
viewership
Correct article usage
the viewership
show examples
 age of
this
 show. In conclusion, despite these sponsors
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 a critical role
to keep
Change preposition
in keeping
show examples
sports
 events as big as today, some products should not be promoted as they are considered perilous to the consumers.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that outlines the key points to be discussed. Avoid unnecessary complexity in sentence structures to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on a clear development of ideas throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that both views and your own opinion are clearly and explicitly stated and well-supported throughout.
task achievement
Expand on your own opinion to include more detailed reasoning and specific examples that truly illustrate your viewpoint.
task achievement
Work on the accuracy and range of your vocabulary and grammar. This will help to express ideas more effectively and enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brand Visibility
  • Financial Support
  • Positive Brand Association
  • Market Penetration
  • Ethical Concerns
  • Pressure on Athletes
  • Sponsorship
  • Globally popular
  • Reputation
  • Demographic groups
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