IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

#countries #food #outweigh
Nowadays, fast
foods
 are becoming cheaper day-by-day
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and widespread in some countries.
Although
 there are some
advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these
types
 of
foods
, some key disadvantages can outweigh them. On the one hand, some
people
 think that merits are more than demerits, and all of these
advantages
 help
people
 to spend less
time
to eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
.
Firstly
, we spend less
time
to eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
 these
types
 of
foods
,
this
 can be an opportunity for us to work both hard and much
time
.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
foods
 are very convenient to eat compared to our natural
foods
 because, if we want to eat natural one, we should allocate some place but with fast
foods
Add a comma
foods,
show examples
 we need not choose any place where we can eat these
types
 of
foods
 in any place
such
 as on the way or
while
 going to school.
On the other hand
, I believe that the key disadvantages of fast food can outweigh the
advantages
.
Firstly
, a high amount of consumption can damage our power because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a lot of chemicals are used in junk
foods
. These can damage our both health and healthy lifestyle.
Secondly
, high amounts of
people
 are choosing fast food as the right food to eat
as a result
 they cannot spend quality
time
 with their parents because, some older
people
 do not like these
types
 of
foods
, and the centers of fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 are located far from our house. In conclusion, I believe that there are colossal amounts of disadvantages which are key reasons to dodge
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
foods
 to eat colossal amounts, and they can outweigh the all
advantages
 because, eating fast
foods
 can damage our health system, in my opinion, our health is the most important for us.
Submitted by Azizbek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing with one main idea per paragraph to strengthen logical structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop ideas more fully with detailed examples to support your points and enhance clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of linking devices effectively to connect ideas and sentences.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task to give a complete response and maintain focus on the question throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Refine and expand on the key ideas with specific, relevant examples to support your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: