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Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population inthe countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #inthe #countryside #development
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In some countries around the world, few
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to cities,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 number of citizens
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 reducing in the countryside
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
. There are some merits of
this
Linking Words
 development, but in my opinion,
this
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 can be negative for some key reasons. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that reducing the population of cities is useful for some
people
Use synonyms
 who can buy
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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both houses and things like fruit, bread, furniture or others
in
Change preposition
at
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 a cheaper
cost
Use synonyms
 than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 days because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 less number of
people
Use synonyms
 go to shops for shopping
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the preposition
result of
show examples
 the
cost
Use synonyms
 of all of
things
Add an article
the things
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 city may be decreased.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the lifespan of some
people
Use synonyms
 may increase because of the fresh air of
village
Add an article
the village
show examples
. Everyone
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 that the air has a big role in our lifespan.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think that negative sites are more.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some public
places
Use synonyms
 like
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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,
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
,
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 and others may be closed by the
governments
Change to a genitive case
government's
governments'
show examples
 requirement
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result we may see a reduction in both the number
job
Change preposition
of job
show examples
places
Use synonyms
 and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of salary.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some of
negative
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the negative
show examples
 effects
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 found for
village
Correct article usage
the village
show examples
 population because, in some villages colossal amounts of
people
Use synonyms
 who lived in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 moved there,
consuming
Correct word choice
and consuming
show examples
 of some products amounts may be increased
as a result
Linking Words
 we may see an increase in the
cost
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 of these products. In conclusion, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 for not only
people
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the Government because,
while
Linking Words
 the
cost
Use synonyms
 of some products
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 been decreased, some job
places
Use synonyms
 may be lost because of
closing
Correct article usage
the closing
show examples
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
 public
places
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Azizbek on

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coherence cohesion
Structure your essay clearly with separate paragraphs for each main idea. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence.
task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your opinion on the development to guide the reader. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your arguments to reinforce your viewpoint.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.
language
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your language proficiency. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
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