Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater than it used to be. Other say that people only continued their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #jobs #education #opportunities #points

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Nowadays, with the development of education and technological

advancements

Add a comma

advancements,

show examples

it becomes clear that young

individuals

Use synonyms

are more intelligent than in the past.

While

Linking Words

some argue that

this

Linking Words

happens because

individuals

Use synonyms

have to compete with others for an excellent position, others believe that job varieties play a greater role.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my opinion in the conclusion. On the one hand, competing for

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

dream work is a decent stimulator for

individuals

Use synonyms

to attain high living standards. The

cometition

Correct your spelling

competition

brings a person awareness about other professions,

therefore

Linking Words

motivates for getting professionally better in their career.

For example

Linking Words

, many Australian companies organise group interviews to evaluate candidates selecting the most skilled one.

As a result

Linking Words

, the failure

for

Change preposition

show examples

uncessessful members provides a clear picture about the areas of improvement.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, a broad range of career options offers a future employee a choice for an exact occupation they want to have.

This

Linking Words

means that, based on the interests,

individuals

Use synonyms

can truly enjoy their

engagment

Correct your spelling

engagement

in the company, not just following financial stability.

For instance

Linking Words

, the recent introduction of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

art therapy for children allows people, who worked in the same industry

with

Change preposition

show examples

adults before, to teach young learners how to express their feelings through painting.

Consequently

Linking Words

, those who have a passion for working with kids rather than older students can feel more

satified

Correct your spelling

satisfied

this

Linking Words

job. In conclusion, both a competition and

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

selection of occupations hold merit for different

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

individuals

Use synonyms

. I wholeheartedly believe that for some,

compering

Correct your spelling

comparing

show examples

their abilities with others positively affects their motivation,

while

Linking Words

a variety of opportunities guides society to realise what they truly enjoy doing in their life.

Submitted by innakireeva0101 on Mon Feb 12 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance task achievement, try to include more varied and detailed examples that directly support your arguments. Doing so can help demonstrate the breadth of your understanding and strengthen your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, you're doing a great job structuring your essay and connecting ideas. To further improve, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to demonstrate your ability to connect ideas more fluidly. Also, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to maintain the flow of your narrative.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

280 words

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it's effect on a child.

The world's most urgent problem is caused by overpopulation. Do you agree or disagree?

You have been asked to do a presentation and you would need help with setting up the equipment. Write a letter to your colleague, in your letter: Let him/her know when and where the presentation will take place Tell him/her what equipment you will need Explain how him/her can help you

In some countries, some high school leavers choose to work or travel for a period of time before going to university. Discuss the disadvantages and advantages of these school leavers’ decisions and give your opinion.