Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater than it used to be. Other say that people only continued their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #jobs #education #opportunities #points

Nowadays, with the development of education and technological

advancements

Add a comma

advancements,

show examples

it becomes clear that young

individuals

are more intelligent than in the past.

While

some argue that

this

happens because

individuals

have to compete with others for an excellent position, others believe that job varieties play a greater role.

This

essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my opinion in the conclusion. On the one hand, competing for

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

dream work is a decent stimulator for

individuals

to attain high living standards. The

cometition

Correct your spelling

competition

brings a person awareness about other professions,

therefore

motivates for getting professionally better in their career.

For example

, many Australian companies organise group interviews to evaluate candidates selecting the most skilled one.

As a result

, the failure

for

Change preposition

show examples

uncessessful members provides a clear picture about the areas of improvement.

On the other hand

, a broad range of career options offers a future employee a choice for an exact occupation they want to have.

This

means that, based on the interests,

individuals

can truly enjoy their

engagment

Correct your spelling

engagement

in the company, not just following financial stability.

For instance

, the recent introduction of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

art therapy for children allows people, who worked in the same industry

with

Change preposition

show examples

adults before, to teach young learners how to express their feelings through painting.

Consequently

, those who have a passion for working with kids rather than older students can feel more

satified

Correct your spelling

satisfied

this

job. In conclusion, both a competition and

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

selection of occupations hold merit for different

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

individuals

. I wholeheartedly believe that for some,

compering

Correct your spelling

comparing

show examples

their abilities with others positively affects their motivation,

while

a variety of opportunities guides society to realise what they truly enjoy doing in their life.

Submitted by innakireeva0101 on Mon Feb 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

To enhance task achievement, try to include more varied and detailed examples that directly support your arguments. Doing so can help demonstrate the breadth of your understanding and strengthen your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, you're doing a great job structuring your essay and connecting ideas. To further improve, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to demonstrate your ability to connect ideas more fluidly. Also, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to maintain the flow of your narrative.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?
In developed countries, the life quality in urban territories is much higher than in villages. That is why the population migrate to big cities from rural areas. It causes two main problems such as childbirth decreasing and the loss agricultural sector of the economy. There are two main solutions that can be provided to eliminate these issues.
<4
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Eldery eople are the source of knowledge and leaders who shows us a good path.Similiarly human got a lot of opinion in eldery people where,some people says that agening population affects government while other argue to the point society is benefited if it has older peoples.here,in the below essay we discuss on its advantages and disadvantages.
4
band
The internet is often harmful, especially to young people, due to the amount and type of information people can access. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.
In recent years the use of internet has grown beyond recognition, bringing a new set of concerns with it. The majority of people are using internet every day which makes their lives much more convenient. Despite this, however, there is evidence that internet is often harmful due to the amount and type of information people can access. I therefore agree that the internet brings us a lot of opportunities and it brought the world to tremendous progress. This essay explores several reasons why the internet could be considered a positive rather than a harmful factor in people's lives.
6.5
band
Some people believe that the government should make laws regarding nutrition and healthy lifestyle, while others think that it is a matter of personal responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
It is believed the regulations about health and nutrition should be driven by the government agency while others insist that it should be considered as a self-responsibility. I definitely agree with the former statement which can positively affect personal consuming behaviour.
6.5
band
Many people have problems managing their money. What skills does a person need to manage their money well? Who should teach children these skills?
With the economic evolution, people today have more money than in the past. However, a lot of people do not have an adequate of knowledge of finance that should be taught by parents and school teachers in the early stage of people's lives.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

The internet is often harmful, especially to young people, due to the amount and type of information people can access. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

Some people believe that the government should make laws regarding nutrition and healthy lifestyle, while others think that it is a matter of personal responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Many people have problems managing their money. What skills does a person need to manage their money well? Who should teach children these skills?