IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

1-In the recent years, television has contributed the most to changing people’s quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#-in #years #television #people’s #quality #life
I have 2 different opinions about the contributions that Television made
on
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to
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nowdays
Correct your spelling
today
 society. Before television was invented, many
people
 would only know what was happening around them, and their knowledge of
what's
Wrong verb form
what was
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 outside their city or country was very minimal.
At today
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Today
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 there are plenty of documentaries that can potentially enrich a person culturally,
people
 can watch and learn about nature, learn about animal species or about how other humans live their lives
in
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on
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 the other side of the world,
that is
 very enriching;
however
 during the years we witnessed a consistent decrease of quality
tv
, to make space to a lot of *trash content* like (great brother or love island)
furthermore
 sexuality is now spread all over,
easy
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easily
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accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 to the youngs that sometimes have no shield from it and get introduced to it at a total inappropriate age.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 television
limited
Wrong verb form
limits
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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interaction
within
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among
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people
, some individuals spend their days
whatching
Correct your spelling
watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 or
for example
 playing
videogames
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video
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instead
 of going out and
engage
Wrong verb form
engaging
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 in physical activities or
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
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 with other
people
hence
 the birth of a lot of illnesses (
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
 and mental) that are the result of a lazy life, lonliness that brings depression, or lack of sports that brings cardio-vascoulary diseases. At the same time though
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 is a good company
to
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for
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 some
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 left alone by their families, would have nothing to do during the day. If I had to pick for myself I would choose two hours chatting in person with a friend in front
a
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of a
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coffee
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 sit at home and watch
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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. My conclusion is that
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 most likely
gave
Verb problem
has
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 a negative contribution to
people
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people's
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 lives, but as humans we can make
the
Correct article usage
a
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 difference, and we can profit
of
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from
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this
 big invention by teaching and limiting the younger
generations
Change noun form
generations'
generation's
show examples
 use of it.
Submitted by g.marta2013 on

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task achievement
Start your essay with a clear stance on the prompt to better guide readers and clarify your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into distinct paragraphs, each with a single main idea. This will help in creating a logical flow and making your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
End your essay with a definitive conclusion that summarizes your arguments and reiterates your stance. This will make your essay feel complete.
task achievement
Use a variety of complex sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your language ability. Avoid using slang or informal expressions like 'trash content' which may not be suitable for an academic essay.
task achievement
Back up your opinions with more detailed examples or evidence. While you mentioned general aspects, specifics can strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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