IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons is it possitive or negative development?

#people #money #possitive #development
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 rather than save for some unique things. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 development has some negative sites, and there are some key reasons. On the one hand, I believe that there are some key reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world cannot make enough profit
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their daily
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 they may have
financial
Add an article
a financial
show examples
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
, and they cannot save a
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 not only for their future plans but
also
Linking Words
 buying some unique things which they want to buy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
people
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 cannot save their
money
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 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they tend to
spending
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 a lot of
money
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as if they see something
while
Linking Words
 going
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere, they see something by chance, and they want to buy it.
This
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 is a
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
of buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 something.
On the other hand
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, in detail, there are some negative sites of
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not saving a few amounts of
money
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, if some
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not like to save a part
money
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their salary, they cannot buy something or go anywhere they want in the future, and in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 we always see a lack of
money
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.
Secondly
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, the main reason why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not saving
money
Use synonyms
 is a negative development is that if they do not
use to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
save
money
Use synonyms
, they may not
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
show examples
 for some struggles in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future because,
while
Linking Words
 saving
money
Use synonyms
 they may
use to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend less
money
Use synonyms
 than before. In conclusion, I believe that
this
Linking Words
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 has many negative sites compared to positives, and some
people
Use synonyms
 want to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not allocate some of their
money
Use synonyms
 for some reasons which are given at the top of the essay.
Submitted by Azizbek on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt. Your discussion focused more on the reasons and consequences of spending vs. saving rather than exploring whether it's a positive or negative development. Adding more explicit evaluation of the development's positivity or negativity would strengthen your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas. Though your paragraph divisions are clear, transitions between ideas within paragraphs can be smoother. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader more effectively from one idea to the next.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your main points; this could involve drawing on real-life situations or hypothetical scenarios that illustrate the impacts of not saving money. Adding these examples will enrich your essay and make your arguments more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • consumer culture
  • financial literacy
  • economic optimism
  • financial instability
  • indebtedness
  • stimulating economic growth
  • personal satisfaction
  • innovation
  • job creation
  • investment
  • wealth accumulation
  • advertising
  • social media
  • luxury lifestyles
  • financial planning
  • future security
  • emergencies
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