More and more students are taking a year off between finishing high school and going to university. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, more
students
are choosing to take a year
off before going to university
when they finished
Wrong verb form
finish
their
high school. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
essay will explain why the benefits of taking year
off overshadow the drawbacks.
On the one hand, taking a Add an article
a year
year
off after finishing high school could pose two challenges to students
. Firstly
, it might distract them from their initial goals. Some students
might use their break time
for exploring
various things Change preposition
to explore
such
as travelling and working. Thus
, it might lead them to focus on a job instead
of come
back to pursue their academic life in the Wrong verb form
coming
university
. Moreover
, taking a year
off might not be a good choice for some people because they might feel left behind by their friends. This
is due to
the fact that most of
Change preposition
apply
students
entered
Wrong verb form
enter
university
directly after they finished
Wrong verb form
finish
their
high school.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the other hand
, despite these drawbacks, I would argue there are more benefits to this
trend. Firstly
, it enables student
to choose what they want. Academics are naturally draining for some Fix the agreement mistake
students
students
because they have to learn monotonous subjects that were chosen for them. For instance
, some students
might not Add a missing verb
be interest
interest
in biology but they have to learn it because of the curriculum. Replace the word
interested
However
, if they have time
to take a gap year
, they will have more time
to explore other subjects. Furthermore
, students
will have a high self-consciousness and self-esteem because they already know their self. Hence
, they will make better decision
about the major that they will pursue Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
in
the Change preposition
at
university
.
In conclusion, while
taking a gap year
could possibly cause distraction to some students
, they have a chance to spend more time
to explore
other subjects. Change the verb form
exploring
Therefore
, I am fully convinced that demerits are eclipsed by the merits.Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To elevate your essay, consider integrating a wider array of cohesive devices and transitions to enrich the flow between ideas, paragraphs, and sections. Your essay demonstrates a solid structure, but further variety in linkage can enhance the reader's experience.
Task Achievement
Though your essay presents a clear stance and adequately addresses the prompt, for an improved score in task achievement, aim to provide more detailed, concrete examples that substantiate your arguments. This specificity not only enriches your essay but also demonstrates a deeper understanding and analysis of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next can further improve readability. Consider using more sophisticated transitions or phrases that clearly signal the relationship between ideas or sections.
Task Achievement
For an enhanced task response, delve deeper into the implications of your arguments. Reflecting on how these benefits and drawbacks affect students in the long-term can provide a more thorough analysis and demonstrate critical thinking skills.
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