IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more students are taking a year off between finishing high school and going to university. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #year #school #university
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, more
students
Use synonyms
 are choosing to take a
year
Use synonyms
 off before going to
university
Use synonyms
 when they
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high school.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why the benefits of taking
Use synonyms
year
Add an article
a year
show examples
 off overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off after finishing high school could pose two challenges to
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it might distract them from their initial goals. Some
students
Use synonyms
 might use their break
time
Use synonyms
for exploring
Change preposition
to explore
show examples
 various things
such
Linking Words
 as travelling and working.
Thus
Linking Words
, it might lead them to focus on a job
instead
Linking Words
 of
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 back to pursue their academic life in the
university
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off might not be a good choice for some people because they might feel left behind by their friends.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
entered
Wrong verb form
enter
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 directly after they
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high school.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite these drawbacks, I would argue there are more benefits to
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it enables
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to choose what they want. Academics are naturally draining for some
students
Use synonyms
 because they have to learn monotonous subjects that were chosen for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 might not
Add a missing verb
be interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in biology but they have to learn it because of the curriculum.
However
Linking Words
, if they have
time
Use synonyms
 to take a gap
year
Use synonyms
, they will have more
time
Use synonyms
 to explore other subjects.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will have a high self-consciousness and self-esteem because they already know their self.
Hence
Linking Words
, they will make better
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 about the major that they will pursue
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
university
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 taking a gap
year
Use synonyms
 could possibly cause distraction to some
students
Use synonyms
, they have a chance to spend more
time
Use synonyms
to explore
Change the verb form
exploring
show examples
 other subjects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am fully convinced that demerits are eclipsed by the merits.
Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To elevate your essay, consider integrating a wider array of cohesive devices and transitions to enrich the flow between ideas, paragraphs, and sections. Your essay demonstrates a solid structure, but further variety in linkage can enhance the reader's experience.
Task Achievement
Though your essay presents a clear stance and adequately addresses the prompt, for an improved score in task achievement, aim to provide more detailed, concrete examples that substantiate your arguments. This specificity not only enriches your essay but also demonstrates a deeper understanding and analysis of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next can further improve readability. Consider using more sophisticated transitions or phrases that clearly signal the relationship between ideas or sections.
Task Achievement
For an enhanced task response, delve deeper into the implications of your arguments. Reflecting on how these benefits and drawbacks affect students in the long-term can provide a more thorough analysis and demonstrate critical thinking skills.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: