In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

In numerous nations worldwide, the burden of paying for medical treatment falls either on
individuals
themselves or on their employers.
While
this
arrangement has been the norm for many years, there is a growing debate about whether
governments
should assume greater responsibility for the health of their
citizens
. In my view, the
government
should indeed play a more substantial role in ensuring the well-being of its people. First and foremost,
healthcare
is a fundamental human right that should be accessible to all
citizens
, regardless of their financial means. By shouldering more responsibility for
healthcare
provision,
governments
can ensure that every individual receives the medical attention they need, irrespective of their socioeconomic status.
This
would contribute to a more equitable society where everyone has the opportunity to lead a healthy life.
Moreover
,
government
intervention in
healthcare
can lead to more efficient and cost-effective systems. When
healthcare
is primarily funded by
individuals
or employers, disparities in access and quality of care often arise.
In contrast
, a
government
-led
healthcare
system can pool resources, negotiate lower prices for medications and treatments, and implement preventive measures on a larger scale.
This
approach not only improves health outcomes but
also
reduces
overall
healthcare
spending for both
individuals
and the state.
Furthermore
, a
government
-led
healthcare
system promotes social stability and economic productivity. Illness and disease can have significant economic ramifications, including lost productivity, increased absenteeism, and decreased workforce participation. By investing in preventative care and timely treatment,
governments
can mitigate these negative effects, leading to a healthier and more productive population. Critics of
government
intervention in
healthcare
argue that it may lead to inefficiencies and bureaucratic red tape.
However
, these concerns can be addressed through effective governance, transparent policies, and robust oversight mechanisms. The goal should be to strike a balance between
government
involvement and private sector participation, harnessing the strengths of both to deliver optimal
healthcare
services to
citizens
. In conclusion,
while
individuals
and employers currently bear much of the responsibility for medical treatment in many countries, I believe that
governments
should take on a more prominent role in ensuring the health of their
citizens
. Not only is
healthcare
a basic human right, but
government
intervention can
also
lead to more equitable, efficient, and economically productive
healthcare
systems.
Submitted by rahmanparentio on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument with a consistent viewpoint, which is good. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support your claims, especially in the body paragraphs. Consider incorporating real-world examples of countries where government-led healthcare has led to positive outcomes. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay logically, which is great. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more impactful. Start with a hook in the introduction to grab the reader's attention and end with a powerful statement in your conclusion to leave a lasting impression. This will make your essay more memorable.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will help to better connect your ideas and make the progression of your argument smoother. Avoid repetition by employing synonyms and varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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