In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

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In numerous nations worldwide, the burden of paying for medical treatment falls either on
individuals
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themselves or on their employers.
While
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this
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arrangement has been the norm for many years, there is a growing debate about whether
governments
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should assume greater responsibility for the health of their
citizens
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. In my view, the
government
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should indeed play a more substantial role in ensuring the well-being of its people. First and foremost,
healthcare
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is a fundamental human right that should be accessible to all
citizens
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, regardless of their financial means. By shouldering more responsibility for
healthcare
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provision,
governments
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can ensure that every individual receives the medical attention they need, irrespective of their socioeconomic status.
This
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would contribute to a more equitable society where everyone has the opportunity to lead a healthy life.
Moreover
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,
government
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intervention in
healthcare
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can lead to more efficient and cost-effective systems. When
healthcare
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is primarily funded by
individuals
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or employers, disparities in access and quality of care often arise.
In contrast
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, a
government
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-led
healthcare
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system can pool resources, negotiate lower prices for medications and treatments, and implement preventive measures on a larger scale.
This
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approach not only improves health outcomes but
also
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reduces
overall
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healthcare
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spending for both
individuals
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and the state.
Furthermore
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, a
government
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-led
healthcare
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system promotes social stability and economic productivity. Illness and disease can have significant economic ramifications, including lost productivity, increased absenteeism, and decreased workforce participation. By investing in preventative care and timely treatment,
governments
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can mitigate these negative effects, leading to a healthier and more productive population. Critics of
government
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intervention in
healthcare
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argue that it may lead to inefficiencies and bureaucratic red tape.
However
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, these concerns can be addressed through effective governance, transparent policies, and robust oversight mechanisms. The goal should be to strike a balance between
government
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involvement and private sector participation, harnessing the strengths of both to deliver optimal
healthcare
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services to
citizens
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. In conclusion,
while
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individuals
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and employers currently bear much of the responsibility for medical treatment in many countries, I believe that
governments
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should take on a more prominent role in ensuring the health of their
citizens
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. Not only is
healthcare
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a basic human right, but
government
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intervention can
also
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lead to more equitable, efficient, and economically productive
healthcare
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systems.
Submitted by rahmanparentio on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument with a consistent viewpoint, which is good. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support your claims, especially in the body paragraphs. Consider incorporating real-world examples of countries where government-led healthcare has led to positive outcomes. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay logically, which is great. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more impactful. Start with a hook in the introduction to grab the reader's attention and end with a powerful statement in your conclusion to leave a lasting impression. This will make your essay more memorable.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will help to better connect your ideas and make the progression of your argument smoother. Avoid repetition by employing synonyms and varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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