Do children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Raising a
child
Use synonyms
to be a good citizen is a big responsibility. Some people believe that physically enforcing kids will help them to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
in the future rather than nurturing them in a positive
way
Use synonyms
. I strongly advocate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
growing little hands
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of love, respect, support, and compassion as punishing them at
such
Linking Words
a young age will impact their brain very badly.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
is a fundamental
right
Use synonyms
for every little kid rather than threatening surroundings.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Every little kid always imitates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elder people and they do depend upon their
care givers
Correct your spelling
caregivers
show examples
. If their
care givers
Correct your spelling
caregivers
show examples
physically and verbally threaten to behave in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right
Use synonyms
way
Use synonyms
, it brings
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conflict between them in regards
security
Change preposition
to security
show examples
, love,
boding
Correct your spelling
bonding
show examples
, and confidence. The younger ones
instead
Linking Words
of behaving in a better
way
Use synonyms
after the punishments,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will become more
resistance
Replace the word
resistant
show examples
to
present
Wrong verb form
presenting
show examples
themselves in a good manner as threatening will
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
insecurity and aggression among them. Even though, if a
child
Use synonyms
behaves in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better
way
Use synonyms
just for the moment because of the fear of the punishment it will impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their brain for
longer
Add an article
the longer
a longer
show examples
term.
For example
Linking Words
, after having a fearful childhood, children tend to
be grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
up with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
low self-esteem and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
confidence as they fear
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
to try new skills
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
will react as if they do not do the
right
Use synonyms
things,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
will be punished.
Thus
Linking Words
, punishing a
child
Use synonyms
will not help to be a better person.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Building a supportive
environment
Use synonyms
will help a
child
Use synonyms
to become a better human being in the future. Directing and correcting a younger with full of support and love towards the
right
Use synonyms
way
Use synonyms
will help to create a strong
bonding
Replace the word
bond
show examples
between a caregiver and a
child
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, kids will feel safe, secure and
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
and they
would
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
more likely to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confident, kind and
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
during their adulthood.
Thus
Linking Words
, the positive
encouragements
Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement
show examples
is necessary to grow disciplined kids rather than physical punishments.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is essential to provide a
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
and loved
environment
Use synonyms
to
grow
Verb problem
raise
show examples
a
well mannered
Add a hyphen
well-mannered
show examples
child
Use synonyms
, rather than
threatening
Correct article usage
a threatening
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
in order to raise a successful human creature.
Submitted by gita_tiliza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay is fully developed; the second point mentioned in the introduction wasn’t expanded upon in the body. Completing all parts of the argument makes your essay more compelling and complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to make your argument flow more naturally. While some cohesion is present, greater variation in linking words and phrases would enhance readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Detailed examples make your argument stronger and more convincing to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strive for more complex sentence structures and ensure variety in your writing. This can add sophistication and clarity to your argument, thus improving its overall impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: