Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that many commenters said
sports
that are dangerous like diving into the sky and climbing into rocks should be prohibited because of their negative effects
. I totally disagree with this
given statement because of some obvious benefits of it.
To begin
with, there are many reasons why these risky sports
need to be taken. The first reason is that those are obviously effective for build
up confidence in any hard situations. Change the form of the verb
building
People
who do this
type of activity
they
become Correct pronoun usage
apply
more brave
and Correct word choice
braver
strong
mind. Replace the word
stronger
For example
, some things we here unexcepted accedent
Correct your spelling
accident
such
as plain, broken buildings for earthquake, hill loss. These skills help people
to save their life
by creaking
courage on their insides. Another reason is tech taking risks in every situation in Correct your spelling
creating
people
's life
. When someone ever attends this
type of sports
activity
, they are able to overcome any detrimental effects
on their life
. As a result
, it makes them more enjoyable person
.
Fix the agreement mistake
people
Moreover
, some people
love to take advantours
of activities, so those who love it, can take it. By doing Correct your spelling
advantage
this
activity
, they make them a happy person. Something that releases extra pressure on their life
. For instance
, a person in Bangladesh climbs the highest pinnacle on
mountains just for her Change preposition
of
curious
Replace the word
curiosity
on
Change preposition
about
this
type of risky activity
. Furthermore
, from a job prospective
those activities help Correct your spelling
perspective
people
get good jobs in some specific sectors from those who are not taking these jobs.
In conclusion, although
extremely sports
activities which have dangerous effects
on people
are risky, In my opinion, the
tremendous benefits of Correct your spelling
they
it overcome
the negative Wrong verb form
overcoming
effects
, and I urge that, It
should be allowed.Correct pronoun usage
They
Submitted by ema on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response, which is good. However, to improve Task Achievement, make sure to directly address the question prompt in both your introduction and conclusion. Be specific in stating whether you agree or disagree and why.
Task Achievement
Try to provide clearer, more specific examples to support your arguments. The examples given are somewhat vague and could be more thoroughly explained to enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear but can be improved. Aim for a more explicit organization, using clear paragraphing and transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to avoid generalizations and instead focus on including more detailed descriptions and examples to strengthen your main points.