The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

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this

Linking Words

contemporary era, obesity is the most controversial topic in the

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

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setting as it indulges with a plethora of health-related issues. It is believed by a few individuals that a great way to deal with

this

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issue is to introduce immanence physical

education

Use synonyms

in the

school

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system.

However

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, in my opinion, I

am completely agree

Change the verb form

completely agree

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with the former statement for the

ensuing

Correct word choice

following

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reasons. To commence with, Introducing compulsory PE classes in the

school

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helps students to be active in physical activities and which helps them to strengthen their physical abilities.

Besides

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, it encourages children to be more active in sports and

Unnecessary verb

apply

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exercise, which indirectly keeps them away from

the

Correct article usage

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sedentary lifestyle.

For instance

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, students spend a lot of their time sitting when they study, watching movies and playing video games. Particularly, the addition of physical

education

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lessons will allow them to remain fit and sturdy.

Moreover

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, being forced into physical activity in

school

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will help young children

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apply

show examples

develop consistency in their lives to remain healthy and active.

In addition

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, exercise secrete happy hormones

such

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as dopamine which helps the youngsters to remain stress-free and disease-free.

Furthermore

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, physical activity helps in a child's developmental , cognitive and behavioural growth towards society. Other additional classes

such

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as yoga and gymnastics in

school

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settings

empowers

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empower

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the student's

overall

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health perspective. In conclusion, I believe that the introduction of more physical

education

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has a copious benefit for students, which is the best way for them to stay away from the overweight problem. We should always make a strong case for the value of physical

education

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in schooling programs in order to increase the amount of time kids spend working out.

joshiami7570Mon Feb 12 2024

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Task Response

Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and briefly mentions the points that will be discussed. This sets a clear path for your essay.

Task Response

Develop each main point with specific examples or evidence. While you have discussed beneficial aspects of physical education, adding real-life examples or citing studies would strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make use of a range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas more seamlessly. While your essay has a good structure, employing a wider variety of linking words can enhance flow and clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Although your essay is well-structured, pay attention to mixing longer and shorter sentences to create a more engaging rhythm in your writing.

Task Response

Revise your conclusion to not only summarize your points but also re-emphasize your stance in a memorable way, reinforcing the impact of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

strain on the health care system
introduce
physical education
curriculum
overweight
nutrition
balanced diet
obesity-related diseases
genetic factors
socioeconomic status
reevaluation
academic priorities
holistic approach
public health policies
community support

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Your opinion

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

The proliferation of social media platforms has fundamentally altered communication patterns and interpersonal relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree that this trend has a predominantly negative impact on society?

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

The rising crime rates in major cities are posing significant challenges for society. What are the causes of this increase in crime? What solutions can be implemented to reduce it?