The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

In
this
contemporary era, obesity is the most controversial topic in the
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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setting as it indulges with a plethora of health-related issues. It is believed by a few individuals that a great way to deal with
this
issue is to introduce immanence physical
education
in the
school
system.
However
, in my opinion, I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
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with the former statement for the
ensuing
Correct word choice
following
show examples
reasons. To commence with, Introducing compulsory PE classes in the
school
helps students to be active in physical activities and which helps them to strengthen their physical abilities.
Besides
, it encourages children to be more active in sports and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise, which indirectly keeps them away from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, students spend a lot of their time sitting when they study, watching movies and playing video games. Particularly, the addition of physical
education
lessons will allow them to remain fit and sturdy.
Moreover
, being forced into physical activity in
school
will help young children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
develop consistency in their lives to remain healthy and active.
In addition
, exercise secrete happy hormones
such
as dopamine which helps the youngsters to remain stress-free and disease-free.
Furthermore
, physical activity helps in a child's developmental , cognitive and behavioural growth towards society. Other additional classes
such
as yoga and gymnastics in
school
settings
empowers
Change the verb form
empower
show examples
the student's
overall
health perspective. In conclusion, I believe that the introduction of more physical
education
has a copious benefit for students, which is the best way for them to stay away from the overweight problem. We should always make a strong case for the value of physical
education
in schooling programs in order to increase the amount of time kids spend working out.
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Task Response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and briefly mentions the points that will be discussed. This sets a clear path for your essay.
Task Response
Develop each main point with specific examples or evidence. While you have discussed beneficial aspects of physical education, adding real-life examples or citing studies would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make use of a range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas more seamlessly. While your essay has a good structure, employing a wider variety of linking words can enhance flow and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, pay attention to mixing longer and shorter sentences to create a more engaging rhythm in your writing.
Task Response
Revise your conclusion to not only summarize your points but also re-emphasize your stance in a memorable way, reinforcing the impact of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on the health care system
  • introduce
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • overweight
  • nutrition
  • balanced diet
  • obesity-related diseases
  • genetic factors
  • socioeconomic status
  • reevaluation
  • academic priorities
  • holistic approach
  • public health policies
  • community support
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