The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?
In
this
contemporary era, obesity is the most controversial topic in the health care
setting as it indulges with a plethora of health-related issues. It is believed by a few individuals that a great way to deal with Correct your spelling
healthcare
this
issue is to introduce immanence physical education
in the school
system. However
, in my opinion, I am completely agree
with the former statement for the Change the verb form
completely agree
ensuing
reasons.
To commence with, Introducing compulsory PE classes in the Correct word choice
following
school
helps students to be active in physical activities and which helps them to strengthen their physical abilities. Besides
, it encourages children to be more active in sports and do
exercise, which indirectly keeps them away from Unnecessary verb
apply
the
sedentary lifestyle. Correct article usage
a
For instance
, students spend a lot of their time sitting when they study, watching movies and playing video games. Particularly, the addition of physical education
lessons will allow them to remain fit and sturdy.
Moreover
, being forced into physical activity in school
will help young children to
develop consistency in their lives to remain healthy and active. Verb problem
apply
In addition
, exercise secrete happy hormones such
as dopamine which helps the youngsters to remain stress-free and disease-free. Furthermore
, physical activity helps in a child's developmental , cognitive and behavioural growth towards society. Other additional classes such
as yoga and gymnastics in school
settings empowers
the student's Change the verb form
empower
overall
health perspective.
In conclusion, I believe that the introduction of more physical education
has a copious benefit for students, which is the best way for them to stay away from the overweight problem. We should always make a strong case for the value of physical education
in schooling programs in order to increase the amount of time kids spend working out.Submitted by joshiami7570 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and briefly mentions the points that will be discussed. This sets a clear path for your essay.
Task Response
Develop each main point with specific examples or evidence. While you have discussed beneficial aspects of physical education, adding real-life examples or citing studies would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make use of a range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas more seamlessly. While your essay has a good structure, employing a wider variety of linking words can enhance flow and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, pay attention to mixing longer and shorter sentences to create a more engaging rhythm in your writing.
Task Response
Revise your conclusion to not only summarize your points but also re-emphasize your stance in a memorable way, reinforcing the impact of your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?