Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of population who are aged 15 and younger. What is your opinion of the current and future effects it may have in those countries ?
The debate surrounding
about
the rising Change preposition
apply
number of
young population could potentially lead to various effects Correct quantifier usage
apply
especially
for the Add the comma(s)
, especially
long term
risk. On one hand, younger people Add a hyphen
long-term
is
perceived as a Change the verb form
are
challange
to create social unrest. Correct your spelling
challenge
This
essay posits that the benefits brought by an
younger populace significantly outweigh the drawbacks, Change the article
a
could
lead to a vibrant and innovative society.
Correct word choice
and could
Firstly
a youthful population invaluable repositories
of their adaptability to learn something new Fix the agreement mistake
repository
especially
in technology, which they impart to help elder generations. Their perspectives, shaped by fresh diverse experiences, are crucial in guiding the society. Take, Add the comma(s)
, especially
for instance
, their role in shaping economic growth and contributing to the country's GDP . Their firsthand accounts and insights are irreplaceable, ensuring that lessons from the past are not just remembered but integrated into current societal norms and decision-making processes. This
intergenerational exchange fosters a society that is
well-grounded in its history and more resilient to future challenges.
Moreover
, contrary to the belief that excessive productive age could potentially lead to high unemployment rates,
unless there are enough job opportunities to match the workforce. In countries like Indonesia, where the younger population is notably high, they are not just participating but are essential in addressing labour shortages. Their presence in various sectors brings a balance of skills and perspectives, often leading to more innovative and empathetic workplace cultures. Remove the comma
apply
Additionally
, their leadership roles in organizations enhance knowledge transfer, ensuring business continuity and growth.
In conclusion, though the phenomenon of people living longer than ever before is posing some challenges, these are far outweighed by the societal contributions made by the elderly. Their involvement in cultural preservation and continuous economic participation affirms their invaluable role. Societies rich in younger citizens benefit from a wealth of history and experience, fostering more resilient and dynamic economic and social frameworks.Submitted by sofinnovita on
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task achievement
Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the question. This helps clarify your stance and the direction of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. While your essay introduces interesting points, more concrete examples directly related to the impact of a young population would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using phrases that signal the relationship between ideas can enhance the flow of your essay and make your argument more coherent.
task achievement
Try to maintain balance in discussing both sides of the issue, even if you are arguing for one in particular. Acknowledging counterarguments can provide a more comprehensive view and strengthen your position.
task achievement
Review your conclusion to ensure it succinctly summarizes the main points of your essay and clearly restates your opinion. This helps reinforce your argument and leaves a strong final impression on the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?