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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many countries have embraced tourism as a way to boost their economies and create jobs for local residents . However ,some argue that tourism can have negative impacts on the environment and local cultures. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism for a country?

#countries #tourism #economies #jobs #residents #argue #impacts #environment #cultures #country
A lot of nations have included
tourism
 as a tackle to enhance their economies and
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
 jobs for townsfolk .
While several
Correct word choice
Several
show examples
 dispute that
tourism
 can have negative acts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature and local cultures.
This
 event
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a tackle to help for unemployed reduce poor residents , but,
also
 we
most
Correct your spelling
must
show examples
 control
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 impact of
tourism
 l. Every realm wants to be rich , to show their cultural wealth to
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 and
increase
Fix the infinitive
to increase
show examples
 growing up.
Tourism
 is the best way to solve these problems. Tourists interested in
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 new cultures and
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
heritages so visit to many countries.
That is
 natives can buy their cultural items and show heritages .
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 local citizens may be a
guid
Correct your spelling
guide
 for
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
.
This
 helps to provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work to folk .
Thus
tourism
 has several advantages.
For example
 Dubai, every year a lot of number of people visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
there
.
Correct determiner usage
every.
show examples
So
economies
Correct article usage
the economies
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 are increasing year by year. From another perspective, visiting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists can
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 environment.
That
is at
Verb problem
apply
show examples
aim
Correct subject-verb agreement
aims
show examples
 to create comfort for visitors may many trees break down , animals
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 pollution.
For example
 air infection from toxic smoke of cars , sea dirty from plastics and nature eroding .
Thus
 governments should control
this
 condition in their country. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, visitors visiting can bring both
impact
Verb problem
apply
show examples
positive and negative, but ,
also
 we can not
Correct pronoun usage
removal them
show examples
removal
Replace the word
remove
show examples
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Start with a clear introduction, discussing both sides of the argument, followed by detailed paragraphs for each point, and a conclusion that summarizes your standpoint.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay more clearly to better guide the reader through your argument. Your introduction should clearly state what you will be discussing, and your conclusion should condense your points into a final thought.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will add depth to your arguments and help the reader understand your point of view more fully.
task achievement
Ensure you fully answer the question by exploring both the advantages and disadvantages in detail. This includes providing clear, comprehensive ideas and using specific, relevant examples to back up your claims.
task achievement
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity. Avoid using informal language and aim for a more formal tone appropriate for academic writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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