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Band 5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to the closure of shops in cities and towns Do you agree or disagree

#growth #closure #shops #cities #towns
High school students who are graduated recommended to take a gap
year
 before officially starting university studies. There are different pros and cons to
this
 approach,
I
Correct pronoun usage
which I
show examples
will discuss in
this
 essay. On the one hand, there are some advantages like travelling,
working
Correct word choice
and working
show examples
 a
year
 before starting higher education level. It can help to get young
people
 new soft skills for themselves. Pupils mostly learn theoretical knowledge at school and there
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
huge gap between education and real work
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
,
thus
 it is a great chance to experience the real world.
Moreover
, they can save their money from working and use it
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
 tuition fees.
For example
, in the USA 1
year
 of undergraduate program can cost approximately from 10000$ to 90000$.
Thus
, saving at least 1000$ every month will be helpful to fund their studies.
On the other hand
, in one
year
people
 have to interrupt their work path, change their new habits and daily routine and readapt upon their starts. One obvious drawback
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 it can be the reason for depression and
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 risk of demotivation of going back to
student
Correct article usage
the student
show examples
 schedule. In fact, an article written by scientists
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the University of California predicts that around 35% of
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 used the opportunity of
gap
Add an article
a gap
the gap
show examples
year
, never actually
returned
Wrong verb form
return
show examples
 to formal education.
To sum up
, taking a
year
 off to focus on travel and work experience after high school can bring for someone plausible benefits but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 we should not overlook that it is
also
 the possibility for
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
burnout or depression because young
people
 have to readapt their life again like they did the
year
 before.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to directly address the essay question and guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of linking words effectively, but aim to vary your sentence structures and connectors to enhance readability and flow.
Task Achievement
Include a more balanced discussion by exploring both sides of the argument equally. Make sure to develop each point with specific examples or evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on crafting a stronger conclusion that clearly summarizes your points and restates your position on the topic, demonstrating a clear stance.
General Advice
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and aim to use a wider range of vocabulary suited to academic writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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