Some people believe that allowing children to make their own decision on everyday matters (such as food, cloth and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

It is argued that, if
children
have their own right to make decisions
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
their daily
neccessities
Correct your spelling
necessities
, it would lead to a
collapse
Change the verb form
collapsing
show examples
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which results in selfish citizens in it.
While
the others think differently. They consider a right for
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
on what would influence them.
This
essay will argue both viewpoints and at
last
, I will represent My point of view as well. Regarding the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
grown ups
Add a hyphen
grown-ups
show examples
morality and their
ethic
Replace the word
ethical
show examples
obligations are
natured
Replace the word
natural
show examples
from early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, it is important to
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
the
yourgesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
how they can make decisions and what consequences might have.
While
it Cannot be reached without helping them to make basic choices to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
prepared for
biger
Change the word
bigger
show examples
and more important choices in the future.
While
it cannot be denied that Monitoring is a pressing need to contribute their decisions to what Is best for them.
For example
, if I
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
never been told my child that she must say no when she feel uncomfortable with what she
wore
Wrong verb form
wears
show examples
,
thus
she would not know that nobody can force her to wear a hijab,
while
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
should tend to dress-coding.
On the other hand
, some others
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
in the fact that
children
not only should Make
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
their basic needs but
also
should have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
freedome
Correct your spelling
freedom
to choose what even is more important and might influence them.
Whereas
, in
this
occasion can point to the fact that
children
have lack of ability to recognise bad and best choices and might lead them to
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
path
due to
peer
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
they would experience. In Conclusion,
while
children
should learn
desession
Correct your spelling
decision
making from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age,
thus
they have to be allowed to choose their needs on
basic
Add an article
a basic
show examples
basis.
Moreover
, as far as I am concerned there should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fair monitoring from parents to lead a
childe
Correct your spelling
child
show examples
choicese
Correct your spelling
choices
choice
in a proper path.
Submitted by amirisoodabeh24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance your score, aim for a clearer and more logically structured argument. This includes ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overusing them. Work on paragraphing so that there is a clear separation of ideas.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your arguments with more specific examples and explanations to support your points. This will make your essay more convincing.
Language
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and the accurate use of vocabulary to more effectively communicate your ideas.
task achievement
Consider both sides of the argument equally and develop your conclusion based on the arguments presented. Make sure your personal stance is clear and well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-confidence
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • parent-child relationship
  • open communication
  • mutual respect
  • sense of entitlement
  • empathy
  • consideration
  • guidance
  • autonomy
  • maturity
  • responsibilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: