In order to become a successful sportsperson,some people argue that you need to have access to the latest technology and the most up-to-date euipment.Other people believe that these things are not necessary for sporting success. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sportsperson #people #access #technology #euipment #success

Nowadays the

sports

field

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

getting more and more competition and it tends to the enormous failure for the

sports

persons.There are some people

think

Correct pronoun usage

who think

show examples

they need some new

technologies

to overcome the failure.But other

thinks

Correct your spelling

things

show examples

to do well in skills.

To begin

with

Add a comma

with,

show examples

the most number of

countries

developed their

technologies

for

sports

As a result

that particular

countries

got a tremendous result

while

Correct word choice

when

show examples

compared to the undeveloped

countries

For instance

,China got more

olympic

Change the capitalization

Olympic

show examples

medals than other south

asian

Change the capitalization

Asian

show examples

countries

only because of their

well developed

Add a hyphen

well-developed

show examples

technologies

Moreover

to find

Change the verb form

finding

show examples

out new

technologies

for

sports

will help them to train

Change the article

the

show examples

best

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

person for their country.In my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

to develop

Change the verb form

developing

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

new

technologies

are

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

essentials

Fix the agreement mistake

essential

show examples

develop

Wrong verb form

developing

show examples

better

athlets

Correct your spelling

athletes

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

some people

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

that new

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

cannot change that much of the result because the

sports

personn

Correct your spelling

person

persons

who have better physical fitness

then

it will definitely help them to do well.

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

some of them

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

sportsmen who trust their skills more than the technology

then

definetly

Correct your spelling

definitely

help them to

acheive

Correct your spelling

achieve

better

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

sports

For example

,a lot of

under developed

Correct your spelling

underdeveloped

show examples

countries

such

as African

countries

like Jamaica

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

performed so well.

To conclude

a lot of

sports

the people who have relied on the

stratagies

Correct your spelling

strategies

and

technologies

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

have a

high

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

chance

to win

Change preposition

of winning

show examples

than the other believing persons.

Submitted by insighttribez on Tue Feb 13 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Focus on structuring your essay more clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs.

task achievement

Ensure you fully address all parts of the task by discussing both views and clearly stating your own opinion. Expand on your reasons with more detailed explanations and examples.

general

Work on your grammar and vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately and effectively.

task achievement

To improve clarity, be clear about your opinion from the introduction and consistently develop this throughout your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

221 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
in many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?
The widespread adoption of mobile phones as a payment tool is indeed a significant global trend. Many nations are using mobile applications to facilitate people doing transactions only from their screens. It is prompting debates surrounding the benefits and the drawbacks. I lean toward the belief that this advancement of payment technology has myriad benefits that far outweigh the potential disadvantages. In this essay, I will delve into the reasons and provide my opinion on that matter.
5
band
Should high school students be required to study many different subjects at the same time, or should they study only three or four subjects at a time? Do you agree or disagree?
Often times students are required to study multiple subjects at the same time and this may cause some stress, but if they have a say on the subjects they would like to study they would get conflicted from choosing many varying options. I personally believe that students should study many subjects at the same time and this essay will discuss the reasons why.
5
band
Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Nowadays advertising is a common part of our life.Many people believe that advertising influence us to buy products while, others argue that advertising is so irritating that people do not concentrate on it.In my opinion,I think advertising has a great impact in our life that is why we still purchase products after watching advertisement.
5.5
band
Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, an only offers practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
There is a common idea that considers philosophy or arts subject inferior to the more scientific ones to the extent of thinking to exclude these studies from the universities, especially in response to the rising fees. This essay strongly disagrees with this statement and supports the contrary by elaborating two main argumentations: the creativity that arts subjects offer and the consequential wide rage of employments it can provide.
4
band
Some People believe that it is the responsibility of the individuals to take care of their own health.Others believe that government should make sure that their citizen are healthy. discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is commonly believed that,taking care of their health is masses a big responsibilities responsibility while others opine that authorities should ensure their natives are physically fit. I completely agree with the former one and discuss both views in further paragraphs.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

In order to become a successful sportsperson,some people argue that you need to have access to the latest technology and the most up-to-date euipment.Other people believe that these things are not necessary for sporting success. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

in many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Should high school students be required to study many different subjects at the same time, or should they study only three or four subjects at a time? Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, an only offers practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some People believe that it is the responsibility of the individuals to take care of their own health.Others believe that government should make sure that their citizen are healthy. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+