In order to become a successful sportsperson,some people argue that you need to have access to the latest technology and the most up-to-date euipment.Other people believe that these things are not necessary for sporting success. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sportsperson #people #access #technology #euipment #success

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Nowadays the

sports

field

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

getting more and more competition and it tends to the enormous failure for the

sports

persons.There are some people

think

Correct pronoun usage

who think

show examples

they need some new

technologies

to overcome the failure.But other

thinks

Correct your spelling

things

show examples

to do well in skills.

To begin

with

Add a comma

with,

show examples

the most number of

countries

developed their

technologies

for

sports

As a result

that particular

countries

got a tremendous result

while

Correct word choice

when

show examples

compared to the undeveloped

countries

For instance

,China got more

olympic

Change the capitalization

Olympic

show examples

medals than other south

asian

Change the capitalization

Asian

show examples

countries

only because of their

well developed

Add a hyphen

well-developed

show examples

technologies

Moreover

to find

Change the verb form

finding

show examples

out new

technologies

for

sports

will help them to train

Change the article

the

show examples

best

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

person for their country.In my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

to develop

Change the verb form

developing

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

new

technologies

are

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

essentials

Fix the agreement mistake

essential

show examples

develop

Wrong verb form

developing

show examples

better

athlets

Correct your spelling

athletes

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

some people

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

that new

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

cannot change that much of the result because the

sports

personn

Correct your spelling

person

persons

who have better physical fitness

then

it will definitely help them to do well.

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

some of them

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

sportsmen who trust their skills more than the technology

then

definetly

Correct your spelling

definitely

help them to

acheive

Correct your spelling

achieve

better

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

sports

For example

,a lot of

under developed

Correct your spelling

underdeveloped

show examples

countries

such

as African

countries

like Jamaica

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

performed so well.

To conclude

a lot of

sports

the people who have relied on the

stratagies

Correct your spelling

strategies

and

technologies

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

have a

high

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

chance

to win

Change preposition

of winning

show examples

than the other believing persons.

Submitted by insighttribez on Tue Feb 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Focus on structuring your essay more clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs.

task achievement

Ensure you fully address all parts of the task by discussing both views and clearly stating your own opinion. Expand on your reasons with more detailed explanations and examples.

general

Work on your grammar and vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately and effectively.

task achievement

To improve clarity, be clear about your opinion from the introduction and consistently develop this throughout your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

221 words

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Your opinion

Children are facing more pressures from academic, social and commercial sources. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce it?

In many countries, plastic containers have become more common than ever and are used by many food and drink companies. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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