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Some people think that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Due to
 significant innovations in technology over the past 20 years much more users now have access to some iconic
music
 compositions and viral songs or musical pieces.
This
 development has
arisen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 the question,
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
music
 can
unites
Wrong verb form
unite
show examples
 people of various cultures and different age groups together or not.
Although
 I strongly support
this
 thesis, some claim the opposite. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 I am absolutely in accord with
this
 statement is that
music
 is another more profound language everybody speaks which always provokes emotions and deeply touches listeners.
That is
 why many of those who attend concerts or festivals, where a lot of their favourite songs are
please
Correct your spelling
played
show examples
, have
such
 feelings as happiness or joy. Those emotions make them feel more relaxed and even more open-minded to new friends no matter if they are retired or are studying at school.
Moreover
,
music
 has always been a great way to unite and inspire soldiers going to war with different backgrounds and various ages
On the other hand
, some people tend to think that there are some introverted or too shy individuals not be able to socialise
while
 listening to masterpieces by various artists with others. It might be their inner tensions or something else which disrupts them from being united with different strangers. In conclusion, I would like to emphasise that despite the fact of some exceptions most people of different nations from younger to elderly are brought up together by the power of
music
.
Submitted by pshenichnikov03 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay presents a balanced discussion with clear arguments for your view and against the opposite view. Support your opinions with more specific examples and a bit more detailed reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Use clear and concise topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Increase the variety of linking words to improve the flow of your writing. While you have made a good effort to structure your essay, more sophisticated linking words and phrases can make the transitions between ideas smoother.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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