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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about the percentage of the population if four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about the percentage of the population if four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates how much of the
population
Use synonyms
 in four different Asian countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been living in
cities
Use synonyms
 for over 20 years and
predict
Correct subject-verb agreement
predicts
show examples
 how it will change during the following decades. In general,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 for over 20 years keeps growing and slightly fluctuating.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Malaysia's percentage of
population
Use synonyms
 was the highest among other countries.
Malaysia
Change preposition
In Malaysia
show examples
 and Indonesia in the first period about 30% and 10% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 were living in
cities
Use synonyms
, respectively
Then
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both trends rose slightly until 1990,
they
Rephrase
when they
show examples
 reached 43% and 21%. In 2020, the city
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in Malaysia skyrocketed
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 80%,
while
Linking Words
 Indonesia only peaked at 55 %
population
Use synonyms
. Their trend will continue increasing over the following year.
Use synonyms
Thailand
Change preposition
In Thailand
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, at the beginning of the period almost 20% and 30% of residents were located in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 in 1990,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 moderately increased around 10% and 20% of citizens.
While
Linking Words
 in 1990 to 2020,
Thailand
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
levelled off at 25 % of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. Meanwhile, the
Philippines
Use synonyms
 moderately declined to 40% in 2010.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 increased again and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 predicted to get to roughly 45% and 54%
at the end
Linking Words
 periods.
Submitted by hai on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, cities, thailand, philippines with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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