IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#aim #science #people #lives
In contemporary society, the purpose of
science
 has consistently aroused widespread interest and vigorous debate. One prevailing view is that the paramount importance of
science
 is to make
people
's lives better.
although
 it contentious nature, I am more inclined to endorse the viewpoint. As an old saying goes,
science
 is the first production.
Firstly
,
science
 is
fundamental
Add an article
the fundamental
a fundamental
show examples
 source of advanced technologies, which intends to create time-saving and energy-saving methods to help
people
 to reach targets.
For example
, the student majoring in civil engineering should learn some professional theory and principles to design the constructions and operate some tractors or measuring gadgets and so on,
therefore
, modern
people
 can construct more
high height
Add a hyphen
high-height
show examples
 typical buildings and delicate museums.
Moreover
, teaching students about
science
 is very interesting to provide a route to recognise the world. For one thing,
exposed
Add a missing verb
being exposed
show examples
 to
science
 can allow
people
 to horizon their horizons by knowing some simple theories like why the rainbow has seven
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 that cause the reflection of light or why the van is more likely to out of control
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 frozen roads because of the inertial rule, etc.
Thus
, the educational meaning of
science
also
 helps
people
's recognition, resulting in more curiosity and
explorations
Fix the agreement mistake
exploration
show examples
. In conclusion, I maintain that the critical target of
science
 should be to beneficial for most
people
's lives.
Submitted by liuq63145 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. While you've given a clear position, further developing your argument with a wider range of examples and discussing potential counterarguments could enhance your task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim for a clearer and more logical progression of ideas. Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices more effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, refining them to more directly address the essay prompt and providing a summary of your main points in the conclusion can improve clarity and relevance.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific, real-world examples to support your points. Doing so strengthens your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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