IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write a letter to a friend. You have borrowed something from your friend and it got damaged. -Apologize for damaging the product. -Explain what happened. -Say how are you going to fix the issue.

#friend #-apologize #product #-explain #-say
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Dear Julie, I hope you're doing well. I'm writing
this
Linking Words
 letter regarding the
laptop
Use synonyms
, I borrowed from you
last
Linking Words
 month for my group project. I apologize for the damage that I caused and I promise to fix it and return it by
this
Linking Words
 coming Sunday.
Last
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 night,
while
Linking Words
 I was working on my project, my mother offered me a cup of coffee. She left the cup on a piece of paper,
Correct word choice
and as
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 I was pulling the paper underneath, the coffee got split on the keyboard and unfortunately it stopped working. I had a word with my uncle, who is an electrician, and he asked me to bring the
laptop
Use synonyms
 to his store so he could fix it
Change preposition
apply
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up
Change preposition
apply
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, all the expenses are on me and you shouldn't worry about the damage. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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knowing how precious
this
Linking Words
laptop
Use synonyms
 is
for
Change preposition
to
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 you, I made an
unforgetable
Correct your spelling
unforgettable
unforgivable
 mistake. Will you please accept my apology? I'll be returning
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
laptop
Use synonyms
 as soon as it gets repaired. Best wishes, Smith
Submitted by harneet2001kaur on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the letter, maintaining a clear structure throughout. For instance, the first paragraph for apology, second for explanation, and third for resolution.
Task Achievement
Your letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, but expanding a bit more on each section could improve clarity and impact. Consider elaborating on how the damage occurred and how you plan to ensure it doesn't happen again.
General
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your letter and make it more engaging. Avoid repeating phrases and ensure your expressions are clear and impactful.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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