In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they study at school hard enough. What are the advanatages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #study #school #advanatages #message

Nowadays, when our society is in the stage of rapid transformation, some cultures have completely different approaches to raising children by encouraging them to

study

hard in order to achieve their goals.It is agreed,that the main advantage of

this

tendency is that children have a strong desire to be aware of different fields of

study

;

however

, it can contribute to disappointment in future.

This

essay,

firstly

,will discuss what positive developments

this

issue has

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

followed by an analysis of negative consequences,before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

To begin

with, it is an advanced approach ,when parents stimulate their kids to

study

hard,

due to

humanity's progress ,which requires an educated future generation. Undoubdfully, there will be higher chances of finding a high-paid work position,if you

study

hard during school.

Moreover

, the possibility to achieve anything in life is not impossible ,because only hard-working person can provide their life with benefits,

such

as a good car, a comfortable house or new gadgets to name a few.

In addition

, each university or college requires high marks before accepting students.

For example

, if an undergraduate program has a limited number of students allowed,

then

successful pupils will get priority.

On the other hand

this

issue can have an adverse impact on

child's

Correct article usage

a child's

show examples

self-confidence.

For instance

, if someone received a failure after a hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

process , it would be a huge disappointment to discover that they were not good enough.

Furthermore

, kids

due to

their naivety can lose belief in their strengths, as soon as they have a negative result.

Nevertheless

, regardless of school achievements, future opportunities can appear to be not

such

prosperous as they were supposed to be.

For example

, not only

your

Add a missing verb

do your

show examples

school grades influence the possibility of receiving a diploma at university, but

also

your financial status does.

To conclude

this

essay supports the idea that

this

approach has two points of view,

however

, only rapid attempts can lead to positive results,

therefore

Correct word choice

and therefore

show examples

, advantages overwhelm disadvantages.

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Task Achievement

Be concise and specific in your introduction and conclusion to ensure a clear understanding of your viewpoint and summarization of your arguments. Avoid broad statements without elaboration.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Try to include statistics, studies, or real-life examples.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use more diverse linking phrases and topic sentences to improve the flow and clarity of your essay. This will help your readers follow your argument more easily.

Coherence and Cohesion

Review and vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your writing more dynamic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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17Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they study at school hard enough. What are the advanatages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that its not necessary to have internet access to live a full life. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

Some people believe that the main purpose of education is to prepare students for the world of work. Others believe that the main purpose of education is to develop students' minds and personalities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

in some countries, more and more people research the history of the buildings where they live in. what are the reasons. how can people research this

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?