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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999. The bar chart shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999."

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999. The bar chart shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999."
#line #visits #uk #bar #countries #residents
The line graph demonstrates tourists’ flow in and out
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 United Kingdom from 1979 to 1999,
while
 the bar chart illustrates the rate of popularity of
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 destinations among
UK
residents
 in 1999. Units of measurement are in
millions
 of
people
.
Overall
, the number of tourists from the
UK
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
visited
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other countries dramatically went up
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost five times,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 the flow of foreign visitors
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the United Kingdom
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled. As can be seen, France was visited by
UK
residents
 more often than any other country from
this
 research, when Turkey was the least preferable destination.
According to
 the line chart, the number of visits to and from the
UK
 represented
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 upward trend: visits abroad by
UK
residents
 uplifted from more than 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1979 to more than 50
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1999,
whereas
 visits to the
UK
 by overseas
residents
 went up from 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1979 to almost 30
millions
 of
people
 in 1999. As is presented in the bar chart, France was the most popular country for
UK
 citizens in 1999, in excess of 10
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 visited
this
 place, at the same time, Turkey attracted only around 3 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists. Spain took the second place in preference, a little bit less than 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 spent their vacation there. About 4
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 chose the United States of America as their
trip’s
Change noun form
trip
show examples
 destination,
while
 Greece was visited by less than 4
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
UK
residents
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, residents, millions, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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