IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #technology
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It is argued that some
people
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 believe modern
technology
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 has impacted the way
people
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 buy nowadays;
however
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, others are against
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both opinions from two perspectives sides. In the beginning, modern
technology
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 especially e-commerce was a significant trend which helped
people
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 easily buy everything they wanted. There are several reasons why e-commerce become so important.
First,
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people
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 can easily shop by downloading the application on a computer, laptop, or phone. They didn't spend a
lot
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 of time going directly to the mall or market.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 might save their money because a
lot
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 of promotions are announced online. After shopping for one product,
people
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 might get a reward or a discount to buy other
products
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. So that
why
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is why
show examples
technology
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 helps a
lot
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 of
people
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 to access every product that they want.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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 has embroiled very great issues on consumptive cultures and capitalist mentalities.
People
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 tend to buy anything they want without thinking about the impact of those
products
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 on the
environment
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. At least, there are two points of view that I want to mention here.
First,
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people
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 might not realize that shopping for some
products
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 might hurt the
environment
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. Many
products
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 made of plastic materials before producing that produce a
lot
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 of fabrics didn't follow the policy to keep the
environment
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 safer and healthier.
Last
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 but not least, the capitalist culture in society changed the way
people
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 buy something. The richer man will consume a
lot
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 to buy anything
while
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 the poorer one even can't survive on a daily basis. In conclusion, I fully understand that both opinions
has
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have
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 their strong perspective on why some
people
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 are against modern
technology
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 and why some support it. I suggested that
people
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 can still use e-commerce for shopping but at the same time, they
also
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 need to think about how to preserve our
environment
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 from the negative side
Replace the word
impacts
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impacted
Replace the word
impacts
show examples
 of
technology
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay directly answers the question and maintains focus on the topic throughout. Consider bolstering your argument with more specific examples and varied evidence to support your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Increase coherence by linking ideas more smoothly across paragraphs. Use transition words effectively and ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen cohesion by developing each idea fully within its own paragraph, using a clear topic sentence followed by explanation, example, and a concluding sentence that wraps up the idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain reader interest. Mix complex, compound, and simple sentences throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
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