IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Earning
Fix the agreement mistake
Earnings
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professionals are always part of the debate. Many think that higher educated employees should get more salary than any players or entertainers.
This
Linking Words
 is because of
Use synonyms
doctors
Change noun form
doctors'
doctor's
show examples
 hard- work and life-saving work profile, I believe.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Doctors
Use synonyms
 study a lot to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 doctorate degree even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is
Add an article
a life
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life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 learning for them. To illustrate
further
Linking Words
, They needed to keep them
upgrade
Change the form of the verb
upgraded
show examples
 to handle the sickness of their patient.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
deceases
Correct your spelling
diseases
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 like
corona
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the closest
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 of the doctor's
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
. They
did
Verb problem
apply
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not only
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 more time
to cure
Change the verb form
curing
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 studied about the corona infection and
cope
Wrong verb form
coping
show examples
 with that. And I believe they should get paid
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 than celebrities or
sport person
Fix the agreement mistake
sports people
show examples
. Another reason to support
doctors
Use synonyms
, unlike easy money for
entertainers
Add the comma(s)
entertainers,
show examples
 because qualification does not count,
doctrors
Correct your spelling
doctors
 save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life and they deserve more. I understand sports people
also
Linking Words
 do the
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
 but not as much education
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
 to become a professional doctor. To cite an example, nowadays entertainers are getting more money by doing 2 minute
advertise
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 and
on the other hand
Linking Words
, a doctor
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
show examples
 less by doing
long time
Correct your spelling
long-term
show examples
 surgery. In Conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 sports or celebrities have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to earn
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 amount because of their fan following
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
, I think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should control and set
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 and make sure that professionals earn more because of their dedication and life-saving work.
Doctors
Use synonyms
 and professionals are the future and strong
pilllars
Correct your spelling
pillars
 of any country.

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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement, strive for a more comprehensive elaboration on your views. While you express a clear opinion, providing a broader range of examples and delving deeper into the reasons behind your stance could further strengthen your argument. Consider exploring not just the immediate impacts but also the broader socio-economic implications of salary disparities between professionals in different fields.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, focus on structuring your ideas more logically and clearly. While you have a good start, ensuring each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next can help. Utilizing a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences that directly relate to your main argument in each paragraph will enhance the reader's understanding and the overall coherence of your essay.
General Language Proficiency
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve language accuracy. This not only enhances clarity but also presents your argument more professionally. Additionally, varying your sentence structure and vocabulary can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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