Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Earning
of Fix the agreement mistake
Earnings
the
professionals are always part of the debate. Many think that higher educated employees should get more salary than any players or entertainers. Correct article usage
apply
This
is because of Linking Words
Use synonyms
doctors
hard- work and life-saving work profile, I believe. Change noun form
doctors'
doctor's
Therefore
, I completely agree with Linking Words
this
notion.
Linking Words
To begin
with, Linking Words
Doctors
study a lot to achieve Use synonyms
the
doctorate degree even Correct article usage
a
it
is Correct word choice
if it
Add an article
a life
life time
learning for them. To illustrate Correct your spelling
lifetime
further
, They needed to keep them Linking Words
upgrade
to handle the sickness of their patient. Change the form of the verb
upgraded
Moreover
, Linking Words
deceases
like Correct your spelling
diseases
corona
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
is
the closest Correct subject-verb agreement
are
example
of the doctor's Fix the agreement mistake
examples
hard-work
. They Correct your spelling
hard work
did
not only Verb problem
apply
spend
more time Wrong verb form
spent
to cure
Change the verb form
curing
patient
but Fix the agreement mistake
patients
also
studied about the corona infection and Linking Words
cope
with that. And I believe they should get paid Wrong verb form
coping
higher
than celebrities or Correct word choice
more
sport person
.
Another reason to support Fix the agreement mistake
sports people
doctors
, unlike easy money for Use synonyms
entertainers
because qualification does not count, Add the comma(s)
entertainers,
doctrors
save Correct your spelling
doctors
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
life and they deserve more. I understand sports people Change noun form
people's
also
do the Linking Words
hard-work
but not as much education Correct your spelling
hard work
needed
to become a professional doctor. To cite an example, nowadays entertainers are getting more money by doing 2 minute Add a missing verb
is needed
advertise
and Replace the word
advertisements
on the other hand
, a doctor Linking Words
earn
less by doing Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
long time
surgery.
In Conclusion, Correct your spelling
long-term
Although
sports or celebrities have Linking Words
right
to earn Correct article usage
the right
good
amount because of their fan following Correct article usage
a good
world wide
, I think that Correct your spelling
worldwide
government
should control and set Correct article usage
the government
limit
and make sure that professionals earn more because of their dedication and life-saving work. Fix the agreement mistake
limits
Doctors
and professionals are the future and strong Use synonyms
pilllars
of any country.Correct your spelling
pillars
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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement, strive for a more comprehensive elaboration on your views. While you express a clear opinion, providing a broader range of examples and delving deeper into the reasons behind your stance could further strengthen your argument. Consider exploring not just the immediate impacts but also the broader socio-economic implications of salary disparities between professionals in different fields.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, focus on structuring your ideas more logically and clearly. While you have a good start, ensuring each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next can help. Utilizing a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences that directly relate to your main argument in each paragraph will enhance the reader's understanding and the overall coherence of your essay.
General Language Proficiency
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve language accuracy. This not only enhances clarity but also presents your argument more professionally. Additionally, varying your sentence structure and vocabulary can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.