IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of students who enrolled in three courses a private institute in India from 2000 to 2015.

The bar chart below shows the number of students who enrolled in three courses a private institute in India from 2000 to 2015.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the figures of pupils who registered in three different courses at non-government
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 in India between 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly
see
Wrong verb form
be seen
show examples
 that there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a
dramatical fluctuate
Replace the word
dramatic fluctuation
show examples
 in nursing,
pharmacy
Use synonyms
 and
physiotherapy
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the period given. Comparing
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pharmacy
Use synonyms
 and
physiotherapy
Use synonyms
, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who enrolled in
physiotherapy
Use synonyms
 was higher than
Use synonyms
pharmacy
Change preposition
in pharmacy
show examples
 in 2010, but after five years
pharmacy
Use synonyms
 became more than
physiotherapy
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nursing, it
was reach
Change the verb form
reached
show examples
 its peak at nearly 95% in 2015,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2005 it was at
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 lowest point at 20%. There was a sharp descended in the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who
register
Wrong verb form
registered
show examples
 in nursing from approximately 55% to 20% in the first five years.
In addition
Linking Words
, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who
register
Wrong verb form
registered
show examples
 in
pharmacy
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 2000 (70%) to 2005 (about 41%) . If we compare
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physiotherapy
Use synonyms
 and nursing, in 2005, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled was
physiotherapy
Use synonyms
 at about 81%,
while
Linking Words
 nursing was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 second common one at around 20%

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words pharmacy, physiotherapy, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: