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Band 7.5

The charts below show the percentage of Irish students at one university who spoke an additional language to English from 2000 to 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of Irish students at one university who spoke an additional language to English from 2000 to 2010.
THE PIE CHARTS ILLUSTRATE THE PROPORTION OF STUDENTS IN
IRLAND
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IRELAND
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 AT ONE UNIVERSITY WHO KNOW TO SPEAK AN ADDITIONAL
LANGUAGE
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 APART FROM ENGLISH IN THE
YEARS
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 2000 AND 2010.
OVERALL
Linking Words
, IN BOTH
YEARS
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, SPEAKING SPANISH WAS
PREFFERRED
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PREFERRED
 BY MORE STUDENTS COMPARED WITH OTHERS.
HOWEVER
Linking Words
, THE PERCENTAGE OF NO OTHER
LANGUAGE
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 EXHIBITED THE BIGGEST DECLINE DURING THE
YEARS
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.
ALTHOUGH
Linking Words
 SPANISH DID NOT ACCOUNT FOR THE LARGE CHANGES FROM 2000 TO 2010, IT OCCUPIED THE TOPMOST PLACE WITH 30% AND 35%
ACCORDING TO
Linking Words
 THE
YEARS
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. THE SECOND HIGHEST PLACE WAS CAPTURED BY ANOTHER
LANGUAGE
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 WHICH ACCOUNTED FOR 15% TO 20% OVER THE COURSE OF 10
YEARS
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.
BY CONTRAST
Linking Words
, NO OTHER
LANGUAGE
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 EXPERIENCED AN ENORMOUS DROP IN THE PERCENTAGES WHICH DIVED FROM 20% TO 10% BETWEEN 2000 AND 2010. REGARDING THE REST OF THE
LANGUAGE
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, STUDENTS WHO ONLY SPOKE FRENCH MADE UP 15% IN 2000 AND DECREASED TO 10% DURING THE 10
YEARS
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. CELTIC WAS THE ONLY
LANGUAGE
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 THAT STAY CONSTANT WITH 10% OVER THE 10
YEARS
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.
NEVERTHELESS
Linking Words
, TWO OTHER LANGUAGES ACCOUNTED FOR THE
LAST
Linking Words
 WITH 10% IN 2000, THEY WERE CONSIDERED FOR THE THIRD SUPREME IN 2010.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words language, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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