some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that purpose of museums is the educate. discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Today there are different thoughts about
museums
among a number of people
. Some of them think that museums
should be interesting place
to enjoy with family, Fix the agreement mistake
places
however
, others believe that museums
are place
which can teach something historical to visitors. Fix the agreement mistake
places
While
enjoyable places
can sometimes be useful for us, I believe that learning something which people
do not know is more important.
On the one hand, enjoyable places
can attract humans more easily. It is great
place to Add an article
a great
visit
and have a rest. Of course, it is not easy working hard and long hours without any breaks. That is
why all age
of Fix the agreement mistake
ages
people
need this
kind of places
to entertain. Fix the agreement mistake
place
For instance
, whole
family Change the article
the whole
visit
there and spend their weekends interestingly. It helps to improve s
sense of Correct your spelling
the
loving
between parents and children.
Replace the word
love
O
the other hand, Change preposition
On
museums
are historical places
. They were created to educate about history
of the area Add an article
the history
which
they Change preposition
in which
situated
. There are enough parks and cafes to hang out with family and friends. It is very interesting to know about Add a missing verb
are situated
way
of life Add an article
the way
our
ancestors for all humans Change preposition
of our
especially
students and even foreign Add the comma(s)
, especially
people
. We know that we have attractive
history. The Correct article usage
an attractive
museums
can contribute to economy
of the country. They help to develop tourism. Add an article
the economy
The
Change the article
Last
last
year more than three million tourists came to our country to visit
our historical cities.
My conclusion is that,
I can understand why Remove the comma
apply
people
visit
museums
, but, it seems to me that learning is more important than entertainment.Submitted by omondavlat91 on
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Task Response
To enhance Task Response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly express your opinion and discuss both views in a balanced manner. Expand your argument with more comprehensive ideas and detailed explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, improve the logical structure of your essay by making smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more clearly. Also, ensure that each paragraph revolves around a single main idea for better cohesion.
Task Response
To further support your points, incorporate a wider variety of examples that are specific and relevant to your argument. Try to link these examples more explicitly to the points you are making for a stronger argument.
Language
Remember to proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and use a range of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and precision. This will not only improve readability but also the overall quality of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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