IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that purpose of museums is the educate. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museums #places #purpose #educate
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Today there are different thoughts about
museums
 among a number of
people
. Some of them think that
museums
 should be interesting
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to enjoy with family,
however
, others believe that
museums
 are
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 which can teach something historical to visitors.
While
 enjoyable
places
 can sometimes be useful for us, I believe that learning something which
people
 do not know is more important. On the one hand, enjoyable
places
 can attract humans more easily. It is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 place to
visit
 and have a rest. Of course, it is not easy working hard and long hours without any breaks.
That is
 why all
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of
people
 need
this
 kind of
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 to entertain.
For instance
,
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 family
visit
 there and spend their weekends interestingly. It helps to improve
s
Correct your spelling
the
 sense of
loving
Replace the word
love
show examples
 between parents and children.
O
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
museums
 are historical
places
. They were created to educate about
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
 of the area
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they
situated
Add a missing verb
are situated
show examples
. There are enough parks and cafes to hang out with family and friends. It is very interesting to know about
way
Add an article
the way
show examples
 of life
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
 ancestors for all humans
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 students and even foreign
people
. We know that we have
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
show examples
 history. The
museums
 can contribute to
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the country. They help to develop tourism.
The
Change the article
Last
show examples
last
 year more than three million tourists came to our country to
visit
 our historical cities. My conclusion is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I can understand why
people
visit
museums
, but, it seems to me that learning is more important than entertainment.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Response
To enhance Task Response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly express your opinion and discuss both views in a balanced manner. Expand your argument with more comprehensive ideas and detailed explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, improve the logical structure of your essay by making smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more clearly. Also, ensure that each paragraph revolves around a single main idea for better cohesion.
Task Response
To further support your points, incorporate a wider variety of examples that are specific and relevant to your argument. Try to link these examples more explicitly to the points you are making for a stronger argument.
Language
Remember to proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and use a range of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and precision. This will not only improve readability but also the overall quality of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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