IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There have been a lot of animal species from the beginning of our planet, all the way from the
dinosaurus
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dinosaurs
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 to the dodo bird. Extinction is a normal phenomenon and should only be taken seriously if it's from a human factor and if the animal or plant that disappeared was a pioneer of any ecosystemic process. Money shouldn't be wasted on endangered
animals
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 outside that criteria
or
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, or
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 if the country has other major problems that should take priority over animal lives. One of the main reasons that fuels my opinion is the money and time wasted on
animals
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 that have no defining purpose
to
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in
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 human lives other than entertainment. The budget for
such
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 campaigns should be attributed to the healthcare system, education network, public funds and future projects of higher importance that would improve the
citizens
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citizens'
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 lives. Free healthcare is still somehow not a universal concept around the globe
and
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, and
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 there should not be any projects about saving
animals
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 when
such
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 a basic and fundamental right is not present. Till
this
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 day, there are major countries
such
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 as the USA which have not introduced any form of free healthcare but still spend hundreds of millions of dollars combating the disappearance of
animals
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 with no benefits
with
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to
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 their existence.
On the other hand
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, there are masses of people who believe that the diversity of
animals
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 is important enough of a reason to spend high amounts of taxpayer money to maintain or heal the population of the given species.
This
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 reasoning cannot be applied to all cases of
animal life forms endangerment
Correct word order
endangerment of animal life forms
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. It is illogical to justify the use of funds for secondary purposes and to give the
specialty
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speciality
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 and uniqueness of an animal species as a plausible reason.
Animals
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 should need saving only if they serve a proper purpose to the environment or our existence
Linking Words
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; otherwise
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otherwise
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otherwise,
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 it is just a waste of resources that could have been
utilized
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utilised
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 for the greater good of society.
Animals
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such
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 as the blue whale and tiger actually deserve protection because of the environmental impact offered. In conclusion,
although
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 there are
animals
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 with an immense positive impact on the environment, there could be other systemic problems that should be addressed before any concerns of animal extinction should actually be put into consideration. Only
animals
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 that maintain life on earth that require global cooperation should be
above all
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 issues.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. Say if you mostly agree or mostly disagree in one direct line.
task response
Give a more full answer to the question. You say some animals should be saved, but you do not fully explain how far you agree with the idea in the topic.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The ideas about health care and the USA are interesting, but they need stronger links to the main question.
task response
Support each main point with one simple reason and one example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader knows the main point at once.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' can help show your meaning more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear idea in each paragraph. In some parts, you move from animals to health care to public money too fast.
task response
You answer the topic and give a clear opinion for most of the essay.
task response
You include both sides of the issue, which helps show balanced thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan with body paragraphs in the middle.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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