IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
Universities
 ought to accept evenly how many male and female
students
every
Change preposition
in every
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 major and I tend to agree because they should
study
 each idea. Maybe some of them have talent.
By contrast
, it is good for
universities
 and the government when many people can
study
 in every course. A good reason
for
Change preposition
apply
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universities
 should admit many male and female
students
 in all subjects and when a university accepts male and female
students
, some of them are elite. In
this
 case, a man studies a major at university and that major is about
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 with women or about women’s issues
for example
, dress, fashion, chef and obstetrics and
gynecology
Change the spelling
gynaecology
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 doctor so, when he finishes his studies he becomes successful at work.
On the other hand
, a girl is interested in studying men’s majors and I think she should
study
. Maybe she is successful or she has talent. Another point to consider is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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universities
 ought to welcome fifty_fifty numbers of male and female
students
 because
might
Verb problem
apply
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some
universities
 countries do not accept equal
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
while
 when
universities
 in a country admit it is good for the government because foreign
students
 want to
study
 and they have to come to in a country which accept and pay fees education and tax to in a country. After that, the government can employ
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies and use them In conclusion, I strongly tend to agree with the idea because I think
universities
 should accept equal men and women
students
, maybe they are interested in studying or have talent and might be successful at work.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task response
Clearly outline your stance on the topic at the beginning and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger argument. Avoid ambiguous statements.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your essay by presenting ideas logically. Start with an introduction that presents the topic and your viewpoint, followed by paragraphs that support your stance with clear examples, and finish with a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
task response
Use specific examples to support your main points. Examples add credibility to your argument and make your essay more compelling. Try to draw on a wide range of examples from real-life situations, studies, or hypothetical scenarios.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structuring and the use of punctuation for clearer communication of your ideas. Consider using conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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