Nowadays people are spending more time away their homes because they spend longer in their work place. Discuss advantage and disadvantage

There is no doubt that nowadays many people are spending more time at
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
rather than their home
due to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
advancement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology.In the next paragraph,I will discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sides of
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
advantages and disadvantages in detail.
To begin
with,
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
following essay will explain the advantages of
this
statement.First,
this
helps an individual's career development.
For those
Change preposition
Those
show examples
who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dedicate more time
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
surely will gain more experience and job opportunities than others
only
Correct pronoun usage
who only
show examples
work
as a part-timer.
For example
,an impressive resume
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
to have more promotions and good
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
based on
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
past experience.Next,
this
can enhance one's social interaction
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colleagues.
A good
Correct the article-noun agreement
Good
show examples
professional relationships mean good productivity and
this
also
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
value of the companies.
In contrast
,
an
Change the article
a
show examples
workaholic person tends to have more health issues
such
as stress-related illness,obesity and others because of their sedentary lifestyles.
For example
,individuals will never have time to rest or sleep if they
work
continuesly
Correct your spelling
continuously
and
this
will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
a negative effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
and
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
Apart from
this
,
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
systems will rise for some
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
on handling
Change preposition
to handle
show examples
such
diseases.
In addition
,parents who are working excessively can lead to neglection of their children and slowly will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
on their relationships.
For example
,studies show that youngsters who are being neglected by their parents or
care giver
Correct your spelling
caregiver
show examples
are usually
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes and drugs. In conclusion,working is
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
privotal
Correct your spelling
pivotal
source of income for many families.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there is a lot of bad impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
others
such
as health problems and family issues,there are
also
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
good sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
.
Submitted by tifjong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Development
Develop a more nuanced introduction that clearly outlines the topic and your stance. A thesis statement at the end of the introduction could provide a clear roadmap for your essay.
Topic Sentences
Work on creating stronger topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. This will help readers understand the focus of each section right away.
Linking Words and Phrases
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. This will improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
Examples and Explanations
Increase the depth of your argument by providing more detailed examples and explanations for each point you make. This will help with both task achievement and supporting your main points.
Sentence Structure
Pay close attention to punctuation and sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and ensure clarity in your writing.
Conclusion Development
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main arguments discussed and stating your personal stance clearly. This reinforces your position and provides closure.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional growth
  • Promotions
  • Salary increases
  • Impressive resume
  • Social interaction
  • Professional relationships
  • Support network
  • Work-life imbalance
  • Stress
  • Burnout
  • Strained relationships
  • Personal interests
  • Hobbies
  • Relaxation
  • Mental well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: