In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and theri levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In several countries, an
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
number
of average obesity has happened,
while
as opposed, peoples' health and fitness
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
diminished. In my opinion, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
causes of
this
which
people
tend to have unhealthy
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
and
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
;
however
, there are several solutions
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
be applied to tackle overweight. On the one hand, one
utterly
Change the word
utter
show examples
problem that can improve the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
body's weight is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
junk
food
diet. An increasing
number
of markets provide unhealthy
food
, even almost in every
places
Change to a singular noun
place
show examples
. Before
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
,
people
frequently prepared their own
food
and ate
enormous
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an enormous
the enormous
show examples
number
of healthy
food
variety
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varieties
show examples
,
for example
, vegetables,
seafoods
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seafood
kinds of seafood
plates of seafood
show examples
, and meats,
whereas
now,
people
prefer to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
huge sugar, carbo, salt, and oil in markets,
for instance
, noodles, burger, snacks, and others.
Furthermore
, the
lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not promote
to burn
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burning
show examples
the body's fat.
People
tend to have sedentary
lifestyle
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lifestyles
show examples
which can
led
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lead
show examples
to
domino
Add an article
a domino
show examples
effect and can end in detrimental repercussions. Regarding solutions, improving
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health and
also
alleviate
Wrong verb form
alleviating
show examples
overweight in some countries can have a long approach and need to collaborate all stakeholders,
such
as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
and each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
. In terms of government, they ought to provide many green public spaces in urban areas for
people
to exercise;
therefore
,
people
spend money to purchase
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals,
people
can be a reminder and support system for each person in their society to keep their body.
In addition
, every
people
have had
consciusness
Correct your spelling
consciousness
and be aware of obesity, thereby, they ought to do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
at least twice a week and
monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitor
show examples
their diet. In conclusion,
although
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
has become more popular in numbers, and severe to control,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
collaborations
Fix the agreement mistake
collaboration
show examples
of several stakeholders, it can
be alleviate
Change the verb form
be alleviated
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Ensure all major points are supported by specific, relevant examples. It's good to mention practices like junk food consumption and sedentary lifestyles, but offering statistics, studies, or specific real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the topic and summarizes the main points in the conclusion, but both could be clearer and more concise. Aim for a more impactful thesis statement and a conclusion that succinctly restates your arguments and provides a clear final thought.
coherence cohesion
Strive for more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and lexical phrases, can help bridge thoughts and sections more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of repetitive sentence structures and vocabulary. Diversifying your language and sentence patterns will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • calorie-dense
  • processed food
  • junk food
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • physical inactivity
  • lack of exercise
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • fast food consumption
  • advertising
  • stress
  • busy lifestyle
  • nutrition education
  • access to exercise facilities
  • cultural factors
  • government intervention
  • healthy lifestyle promotion
  • education on healthy eating
  • exercise facilities
  • taxes on unhealthy food
  • public exercise facilities
  • regulating advertising
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