IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and theri levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In several countries, an
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of average obesity has happened,
while
Linking Words
 as opposed, peoples' health and fitness
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 diminished. In my opinion, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 causes of
this
Linking Words
 which
people
Use synonyms
 tend to have unhealthy
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
 and
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, there are several solutions
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be applied to tackle overweight. On the one hand, one
utterly
Change the word
utter
show examples
 problem that can improve the
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
body's weight is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 junk
food
Use synonyms
 diet. An increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of markets provide unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, even almost in every
places
Change to a singular noun
place
show examples
. Before
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 frequently prepared their own
food
Use synonyms
 and ate
enormous
Change the article
an enormous
the enormous
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number
Use synonyms
 of healthy
food
Use synonyms
variety
Fix the agreement mistake
varieties
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, vegetables,
seafoods
Change the wording
seafood
kinds of seafood
plates of seafood
show examples
, and meats,
whereas
Linking Words
 now,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 huge sugar, carbo, salt, and oil in markets,
for instance
Linking Words
, noodles, burger, snacks, and others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not promote
to burn
Change the verb form
burning
show examples
 the body's fat.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to have sedentary
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 which can
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
domino
Add an article
a domino
show examples
 effect and can end in detrimental repercussions. Regarding solutions, improving
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health and
also
Linking Words
alleviate
Wrong verb form
alleviating
show examples
 overweight in some countries can have a long approach and need to collaborate all stakeholders,
such
Linking Words
 as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
. In terms of government, they ought to provide many green public spaces in urban areas for
people
Use synonyms
 to exercise;
therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 spend money to purchase
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals,
people
Use synonyms
 can be a reminder and support system for each person in their society to keep their body.
In addition
Linking Words
, every
people
Use synonyms
 have had
consciusness
Correct your spelling
consciousness
 and be aware of obesity, thereby, they ought to do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 at least twice a week and
monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitor
show examples
 their diet. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 has become more popular in numbers, and severe to control,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
collaborations
Fix the agreement mistake
collaboration
show examples
 of several stakeholders, it can
be alleviate
Change the verb form
be alleviated
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure all major points are supported by specific, relevant examples. It's good to mention practices like junk food consumption and sedentary lifestyles, but offering statistics, studies, or specific real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the topic and summarizes the main points in the conclusion, but both could be clearer and more concise. Aim for a more impactful thesis statement and a conclusion that succinctly restates your arguments and provides a clear final thought.
coherence cohesion
Strive for more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and lexical phrases, can help bridge thoughts and sections more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of repetitive sentence structures and vocabulary. Diversifying your language and sentence patterns will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • calorie-dense
  • processed food
  • junk food
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • physical inactivity
  • lack of exercise
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • fast food consumption
  • advertising
  • stress
  • busy lifestyle
  • nutrition education
  • access to exercise facilities
  • cultural factors
  • government intervention
  • healthy lifestyle promotion
  • education on healthy eating
  • exercise facilities
  • taxes on unhealthy food
  • public exercise facilities
  • regulating advertising
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