In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and theri levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
In several countries, an
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
number
of average obesity has happened, while
as opposed, peoples' health and fitness has
diminished. In my opinion, there are Correct subject-verb agreement
have
few
causes of Correct article usage
a few
this
which people
tend to have unhealthy diet
and Fix the agreement mistake
diets
lifestyle
; Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
however
, there are several solutions can
be applied to tackle overweight.
On the one hand, one Correct pronoun usage
that can
utterly
problem that can improve the Change the word
utter
number of
body's weight is Correct quantifier usage
apply
that
junk Correct determiner usage
the
food
diet. An increasing number
of markets provide unhealthy food
, even almost in every places
. Before Change to a singular noun
place
the
junk Correct article usage
apply
food
, people
frequently prepared their own food
and ate enormous
Change the article
an enormous
the enormous
number
of healthy food
variety
, Fix the agreement mistake
varieties
for example
, vegetables, seafoods
, and meats, Change the wording
seafood
kinds of seafood
plates of seafood
whereas
now, people
prefer to purchase the
Correct article usage
apply
food
which contain
huge sugar, carbo, salt, and oil in markets, Change the verb form
contains
for instance
, noodles, burger, snacks, and others. Furthermore
, the lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
do
not promote Correct subject-verb agreement
does
to burn
the body's fat. Change the verb form
burning
People
tend to have sedentary lifestyle
which can Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
led
to Change the verb form
lead
domino
effect and can end in detrimental repercussions.
Regarding solutions, improving Add an article
a domino
people
health and Change noun form
people's
also
alleviate
overweight in some countries can have a long approach and need to collaborate all stakeholders, Wrong verb form
alleviating
such
as government
and each Correct article usage
the government
individuals
. In terms of government, they ought to provide many green public spaces in urban areas for Change to a singular noun
individual
people
to exercise; therefore
, people
spend money to purchase gym
. Regarding Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
the
individuals, Correct article usage
apply
people
can be a reminder and support system for each person in their society to keep their body. In addition
, every people
have had consciusness
and be aware of obesity, thereby, they ought to do Correct your spelling
consciousness
excercise
at least twice a week and Correct your spelling
exercise
monitoring
their diet.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
monitor
although
overweight
has become more popular in numbers, and severe to control, Add a missing verb
being overweight
by
the Change preposition
with
collaborations
of several stakeholders, it can Fix the agreement mistake
collaboration
be alleviate
.Change the verb form
be alleviated
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task achievement
Ensure all major points are supported by specific, relevant examples. It's good to mention practices like junk food consumption and sedentary lifestyles, but offering statistics, studies, or specific real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the topic and summarizes the main points in the conclusion, but both could be clearer and more concise. Aim for a more impactful thesis statement and a conclusion that succinctly restates your arguments and provides a clear final thought.
coherence cohesion
Strive for more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and lexical phrases, can help bridge thoughts and sections more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of repetitive sentence structures and vocabulary. Diversifying your language and sentence patterns will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.