IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some business observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solution can help address this problem?

#business #employees #college #university #lack #skills #communication #colleagues #reason #address
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is thought by a selection of individuals that new graduates these days lack soft skills
such
Linking Words
 as interpersonal skills which in turn make them cannot communicate with their colleagues as they should. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the reasons and solutions for
this
Linking Words
 matter will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several causes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
contributing to communication issues and one of the most significant is the advances in technologies. To elaborate
further
Linking Words
, the new generation
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to look at the screen of their smartphones all the
time
Use synonyms
 and
therefore
Linking Words
 they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not keen on having conversations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young adults can use these state-of-the-art technologies to keep in touch with their old friends,
for example
Linking Words
, schools and universities, and
hence
Linking Words
 they can find that winning new friends is unnecessary. An apt illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that when I first went to my company on the first week, I found myself staying happy and content even if I did not have a conversation with my colleagues because I could surf the Internet by using my iPhone whenever I was in my leisure
time
Use synonyms
;
besides
Linking Words
, I could text my university's friends any
time
Use synonyms
 via Line. On the flip side of the coin, there are a number of methods to address and mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue and the most crucial one is activities which are organised by their employers. To explain in greater detail, companies should organise events that allow new employees to spend their quality
time
Use synonyms
 together.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, bosses can nudge their new subordinates to socialise by assigning them
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 on the same project. To specifically demonstrate, as I was alone and solitary for 2 months doing the same routines, playing my phone and working, my boss assigned me a new project which I had to work with a new employee who just started working that week.
Thus
Linking Words
, after spending
time
Use synonyms
 discussing every matter related to the task
as well as
Linking Words
 going to sites to record the data for presentation, we became a close friend and talked to each other every day. All in all, it is undeniable that there are plenty of causes that make new employees who just graduated from a college or university neglect to communicate with their colleagues
such
Linking Words
 as technology like smartphones.
As a result
Linking Words
, employers should find some activities that can bridge their relationship, namely, organising events or assigning projects for them.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to focus the thesis statement more clearly in the introduction to set better expectations for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use subsections or linking phrases more effectively to ensure each paragraph ties in cohesively with the main topic.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples which help to illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear and logical structure present in the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: