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Band 5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #activities #children #parents
SOME INDIVIDUALS CONTEMPLATE THAT SOME FREE ACTIVITIES SHOULD BE ORGANIZED BY
PARENTS
,
WHILE
 OTHERS ARGUE THAT
CHILDREN
 SHOULD BE FREE TO CHOOSE WHAT THEY WANT TO DO IN THEIR FREE TIME. IN MY OPINION, IT IS CRUCIAL THAT
CHILDREN
 SHOULD DECIDE WHATEVER THEY DESIRE TO DO IN THEIR FREE TIME,
HOWEVER
,
PARENTS
' VIEWS ARE
ALSO
 IMPORTANT AND OUGHT TO GIVE SOME PIECES OF
ADVICE
 TO
CHILDREN
.
TO BEGIN
 WITH, DECIDING THEIR OWN CHOICES IS VITAL FOR IMPROVEMENTS OF
CHILDREN
 WHICH THEY GET RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OPTIONS.
THAT IS
DUE TO
 THE FACT THAT GETTING RESPONSIBILITIES
AN
Change preposition
AT AN
show examples
 EARLY AGE MAKE
CHILDREN
 MORE MATURE AND CREATES STRONG AND HEALTHY DECISIONS AND MINDSETS.
ACCORDING TO
 THE SURVEY IN MOST COUNTRIES,
PARENTS
 WHO DO NOT DECIDE
INSTEAD
 OF THEIR
CHILDREN
 MAKE MORE SUCCESSFUL AND JUDICIOUS
CHILDREN
 IN THE FUTURE. BEYOND THESE BENEFITS,
CHILDREN
 WHO PREFER TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN
THINKINGS
Fix the agreement mistake
THINKING
show examples
 MAKE THEM MORE STRONG IN
ABSENCE
Correct article usage
THE ABSENCE
show examples
 OF THEIR
PARENTS
. IN SHORT, LETTING FREE
CHILDREN
TO
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
CHOOSE THEIR OWN DECISIONS MAKES MORE BRIGHT FUTURES AND UNBREAKABLE PEOPLE. REGARDING THE
PARENTS
' EFFECTS ON
CHILDREN
 ARE UNDENIABLE.
THAT IS
 BECAUSE SOMETIMES,
CHILDREN
 CANNOT THINK HEALTHY AND IN THAT PERIOD,
PARENTS
 SHOULD SUPPORT THEM BY GIVING SOME PIECES OF
ADVICE
.
FOR INSTANCE
, AS MORE AND MORE PEOPLE, THERE ARE SEVERAL MOMENTS THAT
CHILDREN
 AND EVEN ADULTS CANNOT MAKE FAVOURABLE DECISIONS AND THEY DESIRE THEIR
PARENTS
 TO RECOMMEND SOME BENEFICIAL ACTS FOR THEIR
BENEFITS
Fix the agreement mistake
BENEFIT
show examples
.
ALTHOUGH
IT IS CLEAR THAT
 DETERMINING THEIR
LAST
 ALTERNATIVE BY THEMSELVES CAN HAVE MORE EFFECTS,
ADVICE
Correct article usage
THE ADVICE
show examples
 OF
PARENTS
 ARE
ALSO
 VALUABLE IN SOME MOMENTS. IN SUM,
CHILDREN
 SHOULD NOT BE FORCED TO DO UNDESIRED ACTIVITIES;
HOWEVER
, GETTING
ADVICE
 FROM
PARENTS
 CAN
ALSO
 BE BETTER CHOICE FOR THEM.
Submitted by asgerlituran35 on

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coherence cohesion
Use a diversity of connective devices to link ideas more effectively. While your essay shows an attempt at logical ordering, increasing the range of linking words beyond simple connectors like 'however' and 'for instance' will strengthen your argument flow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to vary sentence structure throughout your essay to maintain reader interest and demonstrate linguistic range. Repetitive sentence beginnings or patterns may lead to a less engaging reading experience.
task achievement
Clearly address the task by discussing both views as well as providing a personal opinion, which you've done. Enhance task achievement by incorporating more specific examples and evidence to back up your claims. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or more detailed scenarios to illustrate your points more vividly.
general
Avoid using all caps in your writing as it is seen as shouting online. Instead, focus on proper punctuation and capitalization to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing style.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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