IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep. What are problems caused by lack of sleep? What can be done about this lack of sleep?

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It is widely claimed that society is struggling with sufficient sleep hours.
This
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 essay will try to identify the causes of
this
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 and
also
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 define possible things to do.
According to
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this
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 event, sleep deprivation is the source of many
health
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 problems, because essentially we need to take enough rest after carrying out a lot of activities. If we do not, it will affect their concentration at work and tend to get tired easily, a lack of sleep would possibly cause a loss of interest in everything and it is bad for mental
health
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 because it would make
people
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 shut themselves away.
Moreover
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,
this
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 could cause physical illness,
such
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 as headache, facial appearance and eye
health
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 because it can be seen from the eyes that look red. To address these problems,
people
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 need to be more concerned about
time
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 management so they can sort out their daily activities and empty the schedule when the
time
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 shows it is evening. There are a lot of applications we can use to manage our tasks.
For example
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, we can list things to do starting from the wake-up hour until the evening.
Also
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, in the evening, society can do stuff outside of work,
such
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 as reading a book, doing exercise, doing yoga, swimming or something more relaxing in order to calm their body after work and they can sleep soundly.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 can do these things strictly to achieve a new habit of getting enough
time
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 to sleep. In conclusion, sleep deprivation can cause many
health
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 problems, even mental
health
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.
People
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 need to be more concerned about setting up their daily activities schedule so they can get enough
time
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 to rest.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Try to introduce your essay with a more impactful statement. Include a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will strengthen your introduction and conclusion.
Logical Structure
To improve logical structure, use clear paragraphing for each main idea. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence or transition.
Supported Main Points
To support your main points more effectively, include more specific examples, data, or quotations. This evidence will make your arguments more convincing and meaningful.
Complete Response
Strive for a complete response by fully addressing all aspects of the prompt. Consider exploring not only the problems and solutions but examining their broader implications or reasons.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas by explaining concepts fully and linking them clearly to your thesis. Avoid vague statements by providing detailed explanations.
Relevant Specific Examples
Utilize more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Instead of general suggestions, provide concrete examples or case studies that illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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