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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that activities done in a person’s free time should be planned, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some believe that
people
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 should plan their leisure
time
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 for
activities
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 and others say that free
time
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 should be free and unorganized.
Although
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 unplanned spare
time
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 gives a sense of freedom and adventure, I believe that rest
time
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 should be organised and prepared for pursuing hobbies. The
people
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 who work with hectic schedules want their rest
time
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 unscheduled and the feeling of liberty and daring.
This
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 is because after working in a hectic environment,
people
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 might feel stressed and depressed
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
show examples
therefore
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, need their break
time
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 to be non-working and unorganized.
For instance
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,
people
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 on their day off pursue
activities
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according to
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 their mood and interests
such
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 as gardening, watching movies and indoor
activities
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, which unwind their daily routine stress but they do
this
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 without any planning. Despite
this
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, I would argue that free
time
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 should be well-organised even for those
activities
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 which are done in that
time
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. Many individuals who plan their casual
time
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 in an organized manner, are able to do more
activities
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.
That is
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 to say, they are able to pursue their favourite hobby in that
time
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 which is adventure for them.
For instance
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,
people
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 start their day off with house cleaning, and do a lot more things after that, like meeting friends, exploring new places and health-related
activities
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.
Moreover
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, it is not stressful for them because they are habitual in organizing things. They are more relaxed, calm and rejuvenated. Their life is more easy, planned and organized for any wanted situation of life. In conclusion, the individuals who believe that spare
time
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 should be unplanned for adventure
activities
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,
while
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 I believe that they can pursue these
activities
Use synonyms
 in a good and organized manner.

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task achievement
Although the essay addresses both sides of the issue, there is room for improvement in idea development and clarity. For example, providing additional specific examples and elaborating on each point would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that ideas are logically connected. Using transitional phrases can help in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that states the writer's opinion.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made, which bolsters the argument.
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