IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant’s manager. In your letter, – explain that you would like to apply for the job – give some details of any relevant experience that you have – specify the days and times that would suit you

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am Sandra and I have noticed that you are looking for part-time staff and I am interested to apply myself
at
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in
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 your restaurant. I believe
this
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 is a good opportunity for me to get new experience and explore my skills in the hospitality industry.
Firstly
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, let me give my details to you. I was a waitress intern for five months at a fine dining restaurant and I decided to finish my journey in the next month because I am fascinated by local dishes in
this
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 country.
Furthermore
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, during my time for being a waitress, I got
a
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the
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 best intern award two months ago and that made me more believe and confident in myself to apply myself at your restaurant.
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According to
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apply
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I am a postgraduate student,
I
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and I
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would be glad to work from Monday to Friday. I am looking forward to discussing more with you. Yours faithfully, Sandra

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, aim to fully address all aspects of the prompt. For instance, you could provide more specific details about the job role you're interested in and explain why this particular restaurant appeals to you. Moreover, when mentioning the days and times that suit you, it would be more informative to specific the exact hours you are available rather than just stating Monday to Friday.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. Transitions could be used more effectively to guide the reader through your letter. Consider including phrases that link your previous experiences directly to how they can benefit the restaurant or the role you are applying for, creating a more cohesive narrative.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of logical structure, ensure each paragraph serves a distinct purpose: one for introducing your intent, another for detailing your relevant experience, and a final paragraph for availability and closing. Adding a short conclusion summarizing your enthusiasm and readiness to contribute to the team could enhance the structure further.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to include a polite closing greeting that matches the formality of the opening greeting. While 'Yours faithfully,' is correctly used here, ensure consistency in the level of formality throughout your letter. A slightly more formal tone could be applied overall, considering the context of a job application.
Task Achievement
Consider defining more specific aspects of your availability, such as your preferred working hours or any flexibility you might have. This would enrich your task achievement by fully responding to all elements of the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Part-time job
  • Hospitality industry
  • Culinary courses
  • Customer service skills
  • Operational hours
  • Flexibility
  • Communication skills
  • Team spirit
  • Reputation
  • Cuisine
  • Eager
  • References
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