IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that tha government is wasting money on tha art and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #tha #government #money #art
It is an irrefutable fact that the authorities allocate the funds equally to all sectors to ameliorate public services.
Nevertheless
, some individuals claim that
instead
 of spending valuable money on
art
, the regime should make
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
 to improve other amenities. I disagree with
this
 viewpoint and the reasons associated with
this
 are elucidated in the following paragraphs. Initiated with the best possible reasons, the first and foremost aspect is that
art
 plays an indispensable role to appeal foreigners from distinct nations, which not only enhances the economic revenue of the nation but
also
 renders employment to local inhabitants. In India,
for instance
,
due to
 the burgeoning number of visitors to watch
art
 exhibition
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, the demand for public transportation is growing every day, which enables dwellers to earn handsome money.
Thus
, these
art
 workshops should be preserved by the governments for the sake of historical values and other benefits
such
 as job opportunities for locals, which can facilitate them to meet their ends.
Furthermore
, it is the responsibility of the nation's organization to preserve the tradition, which helps to keep alive the roots.
Therefore
, policymakers should arrange some communities, which can take care of these platforms.
Apart from
this
, investing funds in the maintenance of
art
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 can help to keep traditional buildings alive for future generations, as it is a great method to teach them about historical sites.
To conclude
,
although
 plenty of public services require repair, a
considerate
Replace the word
considerable
show examples
 portion of the money should be distributed to
art
 and culture so that it can become the mode of earning and can be saved for the upcoming generation.
Submitted by gurkeerat45615 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the range of sentence structures to increase the flow and coherence of the essay further. Experiment with compound and complex sentences for a more sophisticated writing style.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on the examples provided, ensuring they are detailed and directly related to the point being discussed. This will make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
Both
To improve the clarity of your ideas, consider organizing paragraphs around a single clear idea with a topic sentence at the beginning, followed by supporting details and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Economic stimulus
  • Tourism sector
  • Social cohesion
  • Public expenditure
  • Creative industries
  • Philanthropy
  • Government subsidies
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Civic pride
  • Essential services
  • Public-private partnerships
  • Cultural capital
  • National identity
  • Innovative thinking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: