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Band 5.5

Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephones at their homes for work. Do you thibk, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons

#people #computer #laptops #telephones #homes #work #thibk #home
Nowadays, our society is generally influenced by technological progress,which can be observed in the evidence of distance
work
 existence. It is agreed,that the main advantage of
this
 issue is the ability to divide
time
 more flexibly;
while
 the main drawback is the lack of office workers in companies.
This
 essay,
firstly
, will discuss some positive sides of
this
 approach,followed by an analysis of the main disadvantages,before coming to a reasoned conclusion.
To begin
 with, society is satisfied with
such
 innovative
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of working,
due to
 the ability to maintain their schedule,without restrictions provided by their bosses.
For example
, people can spend their
time
 in different parts of the world and it will not interfere with the
work
 process.
In addition
, distance
work
 attracts humanity's attention ,since it helps to combine the process of earning money with personal life.
For instance
, parents can be involved in working task implementation,
while
 they spend
time
 with their children. Undoubtedly, there are a huge amount of benefits ,which
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 people to be satisfied with their
work
.
On the other hand
, the number of workers in offices declines sharply,since everybody has access to laptops,phones or other gadgets. Each person has the desire to provide their lives with comfortable
work
 conditions,
therefore
 companies suffer from the lack of people involved in the labour force.
Moreover
,
this
 issue can have an adverse impact on working capacity ,because when someone does tasks from home, distracting factors,
such
 as lack of
time
 or noise provided by kids, can contribute to failure to meet requirements.
Nevertheless
, these problems can be avoided by taking some measures, like proper
time
 allocation.
To conclude
 ,
this
 essay agrees with the idea that
this
 issue has two points of view,
however
,
due to
overwhelming
Correct pronoun usage
its overwhelming
show examples
 advantages,
this
 innovation can be considered beneficial.
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Introduction & Conclusion Improvement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, you can improve by providing a more detailed thesis statement in your introduction to give readers a clear view of your stance and the structure of your essay.
Use of Examples
While you have presented arguments for both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, incorporating more specific examples and evidence to support your points can significantly strengthen your essay. Consider adding real-life examples or statistics to back up your claims.
Coherence & Cohesion Improvement
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use a broader range of linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, mind the structure within paragraphs: aim for a clear topic sentence followed by explanation, example, and a concluding/transition sentence.
Grammar & Sentence Structure
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and work on sentence structure for clarity. Making sure each sentence is clear and grammatically correct will enhance the overall readability of your essay. Consider revising sentences that may be too long or complex.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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