IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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In today’s society,
university
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students
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 are often faced with the decision to study other
subjects
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 apart from their main ones or devote their time and energy to their main qualifications.
While
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 the former offers a vast amount of information, the latter ensures that the
students
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 delve deeper into the main
subjects
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. I wholeheartedly support the idea that undergraduates should study other necessary
subjects
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. On the one hand, some people hold the notion that it is crucial to dedicate all their time and attention to solely mastering their main
subjects
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. Undoubtedly, fully obtaining the
knowledge
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 of the required
subjects
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 in
university
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 offers intrinsic motivation to help
the
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apply
show examples
university
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students
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 attain more profound
knowledge
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 and eventually stand out in the field they have chosen, reaching higher levels of proficiency and excellence in preparing for their future occupation. which can be crucial in job interviews.
For instance
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, in 2025, the demand for employees is higher and higher than ever, and the supply for some companies is rapidly increasing so
further
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 qualifications are needed day by day. In brief, specialists must continually push out their horizon of
knowledge
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 as the field itself comprises a great deal of complexity.
On the other hand
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, studying many
subjects
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 is good for the individual development of
university
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students
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. Because it will open their minds to
knowledge
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 which they have never touched before. Said
knowledge
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 could be used for many other aspects of the whole life, not just for learning or working. An instance of
this
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 is
students
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 who study to become professional salespeople. They could research psychology to better understand their customers. It will help them to work more effectively and meet the demands effortlessly. A perfectly good epitome can be found in job postings or interviews, as recruiters select candidates
also
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 based on their soft skills, experiences, and learning achievements.
Furthermore
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, obtaining a diverse education will enable individuals to enhance their confidence and improve their adaptability in
this
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 constantly evolving market. In short,
while
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 focusing on studying their own main subject will provide
university
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students
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 with better job opportunities, being well-versed in different
subjects
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 offers more opportunities for personal development. I would prefer the second one because of the variety of
knowledge
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 it will have.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main argument. Some sentences could be more precise in leading to the next point.
task achievement
Enhance the development of your points with further examples or analysis to strengthen your arguments, especially in the second main point.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the main topic and clearly states your opinion, providing a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the psychology of salespeople, demonstrates your understanding of the topic and its real-world implications.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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