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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people have many concert memorisi.What is your best concert memory ?

#people #concert #memorisi #memory
When I was a teenager,Maybe about seventeen,I went to
Rock
Correct article usage
a Rock
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concert
 of
DUMAN
(
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 famous Turkish
band
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alternative-rock
Correct your spelling
alternative rock
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).
In
Change preposition
At
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this
 time,
DUMAN
 was very popular in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Turkey. I think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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still the best
band
 in my country.In
Concert
,Kaan Tangöze(soloist of
DUMAN
)sang to most popular songs of
DUMAN
(about fifteen
song
Change to a plural noun
songs
show examples
).Sound qualification in the
concert
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 amazing and everybody sang with one voice to every song.I felt that free and independent as a bird and
this
 experience was amazing for me.Because
of
Correct pronoun usage
of this
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, I like to songs of
DUMAN
 and I had
Add an article
the
an
show examples
opportunity to listen to the
band
 live.After the
concert
,maybe a few days,I
couldn
Correct your spelling
could
 t get out of
concert
Correct article usage
the concert
show examples
 effect.After I came to my
sense
Fix the agreement mistake
senses
show examples
,I searched
the
Remove the article
apply
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this
band
 and I learnt a lot of things about
Duman
 and its soloist
to
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apply
show examples
Kaan Tangöze and his girlfriend. Bal (
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 famous song
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
Duman
Band
 and I listened
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
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 in the
concert
)
wroten
Wrong verb form
was written
show examples
 by Kaan Tangöze for his girlfriend who died of cancer.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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structure
To improve your score, it's important to structure your essay more clearly by having a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Currently, your essay blends these sections together, making it harder for readers to follow your main argument.
linking words
Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help improve the coherence of your writing. This includes transitions that show addition, contrast, and cause and effect. It will make your essay flow more smoothly, guiding the reader from one idea to the next.
task response
For a higher score in task achievement, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the question. It's vital to not only share your best concert memory but also to explain why it stands out to you and how it has impacted you. This deeper analysis will give your essay more depth and engage your readers more effectively.
grammar and vocabulary
Correct and varied use of grammar and vocabulary can significantly enhance the clarity and sophistication of your ideas. Consider revising your essay with attention to grammar accuracy and vocabulary range. Using more precise and varied language will help communicate your ideas more effectively and improve your overall score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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