IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People in many countries do not wear their traditional costume. Some argue that they would forget their history and tradition. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #costume #argue #history #tradition
In many
nations
,
people
 do not put on their traditional clothes,
while
 others believe they may forget their history and
tradition
. I firmly agree with the statement that if
people
 do not
practice
 their
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
, eventually their cultural
tradition
 will fade away and foreign
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 will take
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
 of their traditional costumes. Surly, keeping a
tradition
 alive needs
practice
 by its own geographical
people
. When it is promoted by
people
 of that region and country, it will strengthen on the global stage;
additionally
,
people
 can export their traditional garments to other countries to showcase their rich cultural heritage
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 foreign
nations
 around the world.
For instance
, our
people
 in my country craft women's dresses by hand and export them as a part of cultural exchange to other
nations
. And on the opposite, if
people
 do not wear and
practice
 their costume-made traditional clothes.
Consequently
, they annihilate their
tradition
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 generations, and reviving a
tradition
 will take decades, which could be challenging for many
nations
;
moreover
, some
nations
 in the world are promoting their own clothing, which is very cheap and accessible
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all the seasons. In fact, some of the traditions are already on the verge of disappearing
as a result
 of ignorance of traditional practices.
For example
, in many
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 countries, most
people
 don’t know what was their
tradition
 because they always
were
Correct your spelling
wear
show examples
 a jean and a
t-shirt
Capitalize word
T-shirt
show examples
. In conclusion,
people
 often prefer to wear an outfit
that is
 relaxed and easy to put on and off;
however
,
this
practice
 can be detrimental to customs and cultural heritage.
On the other hand
,
people
 believe wearing the traditional should always be a priority to keep the
tradition
 alive for the next generation.
Submitted by am.edrees on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider clearly separating your different points and ensuring each paragraph presents a single main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
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To enhance clarity, consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary. This will make your writing more engaging and easier to read.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay effectively.
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You address the topic directly and provide a clear response to the question, which is crucial for task achievement.
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You offer relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.
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