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Writing Samples
Band 5

People in many countries do not wear their traditional costume. Some argue that they would forget their history and tradition. Do you agree or disagree?

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In many
nations
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,
people
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 do not put on their traditional clothes,
while
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 others believe they may forget their history and
tradition
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. I firmly agree with the statement that if
people
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 do not
practice
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 their
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tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
, eventually their cultural
tradition
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 will fade away and foreign
culture
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cultures
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 will take
place
Correct article usage
the place
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 of their traditional costumes. Surly, keeping a
tradition
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 alive needs
practice
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 by its own geographical
people
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. When it is promoted by
people
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 of that region and country, it will strengthen on the global stage;
additionally
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,
people
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 can export their traditional garments to other countries to showcase their rich cultural heritage
for
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to
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 foreign
nations
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 around the world.
For instance
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, our
people
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 in my country craft women's dresses by hand and export them as a part of cultural exchange to other
nations
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. And on the opposite, if
people
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 do not wear and
practice
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 their costume-made traditional clothes.
Consequently
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, they annihilate their
tradition
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in
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over
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 generations, and reviving a
tradition
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 will take decades, which could be challenging for many
nations
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;
moreover
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, some
nations
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 in the world are promoting their own clothing, which is very cheap and accessible
on
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in
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 all the seasons. In fact, some of the traditions are already on the verge of disappearing
as a result
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 of ignorance of traditional practices.
For example
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, in many
western
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Western
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 countries, most
people
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 don’t know what was their
tradition
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 because they always
were
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wear
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 a jean and a
t-shirt
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T-shirt
show examples
. In conclusion,
people
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 often prefer to wear an outfit
that is
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 relaxed and easy to put on and off;
however
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,
this
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practice
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 can be detrimental to customs and cultural heritage.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 believe wearing the traditional should always be a priority to keep the
tradition
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 alive for the next generation.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider clearly separating your different points and ensuring each paragraph presents a single main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Be sure to expand on your examples and explain how they support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
To enhance clarity, consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary. This will make your writing more engaging and easier to read.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
You address the topic directly and provide a clear response to the question, which is crucial for task achievement.
task achievement
You offer relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.
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