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Band 6

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #aim #sales #products
It is regularly said that
,
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apply
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 the main reason for promoting advertisements is to have a great enhancement in selling unnecessary goods to
community
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the community
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. Since
,
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apply
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 advertising leads to consumerism
as well as
 creating trend awareness which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 undoubtedly profitable, I totally agree with the mentioned idea. First and foremost, there is a correlation between advertising and
Correct article usage
the raise
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raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 of consumption among society members. advertising
companies
 attempt to convince
people
 to purchase their new product even if they do not need it.
For example
, Apple company, a well-known company in The United
State
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States
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, presents
new
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a new
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 series of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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phone annually that catch viewers’ attention around the globe. It is claimed that numerous innovative features are designed;
whereas
, there are
not
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no
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 prominent differences compared to previous. A number of gullible
people
influenced
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are influenced
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 by
this
 ploy;
thus
, they unnecessarily buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new products,
while
Correct word choice
when
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 they already have the same one which works well.
Furthermore
, advertising
have
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has
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 a significant role in
create
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creating
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 trend awareness by celebrity endorsement. Huge
companies
 may use the most populated
people
 to influence
public
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the public
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.
Due to
 the fact that
,
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apply
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 the majority of
people
 follow the trends which are temporary and have enormous profit for
companies
. To illustrate, Pantone company determines the
color
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colour
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 of the year which is promoted
throughout
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through
show examples
 advertising in mass media by celebrities.
Therefore
, It is considered by
public
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the public
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 to buy
cloths
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clothes
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have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 specific
color
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colour
show examples
 which will be altered by the next year and thrown away by consumers. In sum, I totally agree that advertising
companies
 put their major intention on enticing
public
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the public
show examples
 to consume more and more unnecessary merchandise.
For reaching
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To reach
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this
 purpose,
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 ways
such
 as celebrities for financial benefits. The more products individuals buy, the more profit
companies
 gain.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and concise thesis statement is presented in the introduction. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument and makes your stance on the topic evident from the start.
coherence cohesion
Include a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. While your essay demonstrates good structure, varying your sentence types can add sophistication to your writing.
task achievement
Enhance your examples by not only stating them but also by delving deeper into explaining how they support your main argument. This will help in strengthening the effectiveness of your task achievement and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve word choice. Precise language use enriches the clarity and impact of your message.
task achievement
To further bolster your argument, consider contrasting your viewpoint with the opposite perspective, even if briefly. This adds depth to your analysis and showcases your ability to engage critically with the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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