with increase in global tourism it has become obvious that there are many advantages and disadvantages that can be found from the effects of tourism. do you believe advantages outweigh disadvantages?
It is often considered that the population reckon that
with
the inclination Change preposition
apply
in
global tourism has become beneficial. Change preposition
to
Whereas
, other
think that it Fix the agreement mistake
others
gives
Verb problem
has
an unfavourable effects
. Correct the article-noun agreement
an unfavourable effect
unfavourable effects
Thus
, this
essay will elaborate on both positive and negative sides which further
leads to a logical conclusion.
Commencing
, the contemporary era consists of various kinds of wondering Verb problem
apply
places
where
many tourists Correct word choice
that
are
come and enjoy there and Unnecessary verb
apply
additionally
, it is beneficial for the source of income. Moreover
, the coming generation is fond of knowing ancient buildings along with
equipments
because it contain a lot of useful information which can be used in the present time Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
also
. For instance
, many big buildings or art arcades are constructed with modern designs but they also
include traditional touch
which enhance the beauty of the house or hotel Fix the agreement mistake
touches
as well as
a good source of money.
Probing ahead, there are manyfold drawbacks of tourism. First and formost
, the masses have to take care of the monuments Correct your spelling
foremost
for most
although
they should renovate the past goods, so it
will not Correct pronoun usage
they
damage
in future. Wrong verb form
be damaged
However
, the homosapians of the modern world are workaholic
and do not have time to visit these kinds of Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
places
. For example
, the
Delhi is a place with traditional monuments and museums Correct article usage
apply
are
present, having all these attractive beauties, Unnecessary verb
apply
least
populace visits over there.
In a nutshell, humankind should Correct article usage
the least
visits
these old Change the verb form
visit
places
with their kid so they can learn about the previous generation
Change noun form
generation's
arts
and designs. Fix the agreement mistake
art
Instead
of visiting these places
, one should learn and understand the creativities of ancient
period and generate new ideas to ameliorate their lives.Add an article
the ancient
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structure
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Try to use paragraphing effectively to separate your introduction, main points, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is developed and supported.
introduction/conclusion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are more clearly defined. The introduction should more clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position.
idea development
Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. While you do address both sides of the argument, further elaboration and use of more specific examples would strengthen your points.
cohesion
Your coherence could be improved by better linking your sentences and ideas. Use a range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas.
language
Pay attention to your language use. Your essay contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing which can detract from clarity. Proofreading and refining your language use can greatly improve your score.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?