IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some museums these days charge an admission fee while others do not. Does the practice of asking an admission fee outweigh any disadvantages? Discuss, including exampled from your own knowledge and experience.

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People
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 used to visit the
museum
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 to get information about the lifestyle and activities of ancient times without paying any
entry
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fee
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.
However
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, nowadays, the
museum
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authority
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 tends to impose some charges as an admission
fee
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, and
this
Linking Words
 practice is not encouraged by the group of
people
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 living in society.
Therefore
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, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain how
this
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 system has a lot of disadvantages rather than advantages. There are a number of reasons why
people
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 always prefer free
entry
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 into the
museum
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. One possible reason is that
although
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 the
museum
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 helps to display the antique items of mediaeval life, some
people
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 feel monotonous, as sometimes they lose their enthusiasm after seeing the traditional activities that are not related to their present-day culture. Another reason is that the person who is experiencing problems maintaining a minimum standard in his life will not be interested in visiting the
museum
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 if the
authority
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is applying
Wrong verb form
applies
show examples
 a maximum
entry
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fee
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 during the visit.
For example
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, the
authority
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 of the ethnographic
museum
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 recently approached them to hike their
entry
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fee
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 from 50
taka
Change to a plural noun
takas
show examples
 to 100
taka
Change to a plural noun
takas
show examples
, which is why a significant number of visitors have been reduced after implementing
this
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 new policy.
Therefore
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, the
museum
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authority
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 should consider
this
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 before implementing any policies, especially those related to finance.
On the other hand
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, if the admission
fee
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 is increased,
then
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 the
museum
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authority
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 is able to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
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excessive money on the development of the
museum
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.
Besides
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,
this
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 increased amount has a positive impact on the
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
 livelihoods as the
museum
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authority
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 can pay the high salary to their existing employees. But
this
Linking Words
 policy may be helping to improve the lifestyle of employees; a large number of visitors will benefit from
this
Linking Words
 system. In a nutshell, it can be reiterated that the approach of increasing the
entry
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fee
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 by the
museum
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authority
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 has a lot of disadvantages, particularly a lack of interest in visiting the
museum
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, rather than advantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task, including discussing both advantages and disadvantages related to the question if required. Providing a more balanced view could enrich your task response.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a distinct idea. Provide an introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss, and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea. Following sentences should provide explanations, examples, or further detail relevant to the topic.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, develop your ideas more fully by providing detailed examples and analysis. Show how your examples support your argument instead of merely stating them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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