IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The health benefits tof physical excercise are well-known. Despite this, a lot of people do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to excercise more often?

#health #tof #excercise #people #exercise
Most
people
 understand the importance of being physically active, yet many still lead a mainly sedentary lifestyle.
This
 essay will discuss why
people
 avoid exercising and how they could be encouraged to do so more often. The reasons why
people
 do not
exercise
 are plentiful; one of them is a lack of
time
. For individuals working long hours, finding
time
 to
exercise
 is a challenge. When they eventually have some free
time
 after work or on weekends, many prefer to spend it socialising or simply relaxing.
While
 some
people
 are too busy to
exercise
, others simply do not enjoy physically exerting themselves. When,
in addition
 to that, there is an expensive gym subscription fee to be paid,
it
Correct word choice
so it
show examples
 is not surprising that
people
 often choose to spend their free
time
 and money in a more enjoyable way. In my view, three measures may help
people
 keep more active.
Firstly
, they should be encouraged to take advantage of any type of physical
exercise
that is
 available to them, be it a brisk ten-minute walk or taking the stairs
instead
 of a lift. These short periods of activity, which can have noticeable health benefits, can be easily slotted into most
people
’s daily routines. Another way to encourage individuals to
exercise
 is to make it more fun. Those who do not like running on the treadmill or using weights at the gym could perhaps find a sport they enjoy,
such
 as swimming or playing basketball. To help with the costs, the government should provide community sports centres where fees can be kept lower than at private gyms.
To conclude
,
people
 do not
exercise
 for various reasons, including a lack of
time
, money and desire. Encouraging them to be physically active during the day and offering fun, reasonably priced sports activities can help them become healthier and fitter.
Submitted by g.marta2013 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on the examples provided, making them more detailed and specific to strengthen your main points. This would make your arguments more convincing and enrich the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Continue to practice writing introductions and conclusions that effectively summarize your essay's main points and restate the importance of the topic. This was well done, but there's always room for improvement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • mental health benefits
  • weight management
  • time constraints
  • family commitments
  • environmental factors
  • technological distractions
  • screen time
  • public health campaigns
  • workplace wellness programs
  • public infrastructure
  • accessible
  • motivation
  • personalized exercise plans
  • virtual communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: