IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #move #countries #work #people #effect #children
Presently, many
families
 live a nomadic life, constantly switching
countries
due to
 better employment opportunities. Whilst certain individuals claim that
this
 might pose a threat to the juveniles, other people share a contradictory view.
As a consequence
 of frequent relocations of
families
, I believe that
children
 are exposed to merits and demerits concurrently. First and foremost, people have now multiple chances of finding a job abroad,
therefore
, carrying their
families
 with them.
While
 relocating to different
countries
 for improved job opportunities can enhance the financial well-being of parents and family budgets, it is often the
children
 who are most negatively affected. To cite an example, establishing relationships at younger ages is a pivotal milestone for juveniles which needs to be accomplished successfully. As
families
 move through different geographic locations,
children
 too are obliged to adapt to their new lifestyles
according to
 the new cultures, friends, and environment.
Consequently
, every detachment from the previous location and friends can drive
children
 to be depressive and sometimes suicidal
due to
 the inability to cope with the erratic changes that are occurring in their lives.
On the other hand
, disruptive change is one of the most important factors that foster an environment of steady growth even among juniors. Some people advocate for constant exposure to change and agility to experience as much diversity as possible by travelling to other
countries
.
For example
,
children
 can learn multiple languages as their parents move around the world, placing them one step ahead of their peers.
Moreover
, some of those new
countries
 can actually furnish them with a chance of better and free education, medical care, and access to other publicly available amenities. In conclusion, despite depending on the mental state of
children
, the occurrence of unanticipated events can pose a formidable threat to them predominantly depending on the mental state of
children
, there are salient advantages that come
along with
 each relocation journey.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph discusses a clear main point that relates directly to the topic question without being repetitive.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices effectively to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with sufficient detail. The essay should cover the positive and negative effects on children and also provide a personal opinion.
task achievement
Develop ideas more thoroughly by providing detailed examples and reasons behind each argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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