IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
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Over the past few years, the issue of social
media
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 has been widely debated. Nowadays,
people
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 are more focused on social networks
instead
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 of the real world.
Although
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 the internet has some benefits because it can disseminate information widely, some
people
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 think
this
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 could be detrimental to relationships. I will discuss both sides of the issue in the following essay. There is no doubt that social
media
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 is a convenient appliance, it can show
people
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 their own opinions, and interact with other
people
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 at the same time.
For example
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, ideas could be posted on Instagram, various
people
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 can share the post or leave comments below, to discuss ideas.
Therefore
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, when there are many comments, the topic can be seen, creating more space to discuss in-depth.
However
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, some
people
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 think that social
media
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 harms
people
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due to
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 the fact that it can be a place for bullying.
For instance
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, Taylor Swift has been bullied on Instagram for a long time, many
people
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 judge her personal life. They bullied her, picking on aspects of what she looked like,
the
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and the
show examples
 type of outfits she wore, including using bad words. Social
media
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 doesn't have strict rules on comments.
Consequently
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,
people
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 will not stop doing these actions, leading to more
people
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 getting bullied. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 is instant, the data would be perceived permanently, provided
people
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 can appropriately use social
media
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, they will be likely to have a better experience on it.
Submitted by stellachen28577 on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your conclusion seems to be cut off or incomplete.
cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
argument depth
Strengthen your argument by offering more detailed examples and explanations in your supporting paragraphs.
task response
Address the task more directly by explicitly stating your opinion or stance on the issue in the introduction and conclusion.
grammar
Proofread your essay to avoid grammatical errors and ensure clarity in your sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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