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Band 5

People say that nowadays, modern teens are too much reliant on Information Technologies. To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #teens #information #technologies
In recent years, children have
spend
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spent
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 more time on Information Technologies. People think that
teenagers
 depend too much on Information Technologies. I partly agree with
this
 opinion for
reasons
Correct quantifier usage
some reasons
show examples
. On the one hand, it is true that there is an increased dependence on IT
of
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers
. Excessive screen time limits face-to-face interaction,
Correct word choice
and exercises
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exercises
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and exercises
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, leaving a negative impact on children’s
overall
 development.
For instance
, children prefer communicating by online messages to seeing each other directly, which can hinder their emotional
expressing
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expression
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 ability.
Furthermore
, modern
teenagers
 are likely to suffer from many health issues caused by IT.
For example
, cyberbullying and other deception tricks lead to anxiety or even depression.
Moreover
, distractions from notifications might disrupt teenager’s sleep
along with
 concentration
while
 working.
Therefore
, to a certain extent, modern
teenagers
 rely too much on IT.
On the other hand
, IT provides significant benefits for modern
teenagers
. In terms of their academy, IT offers valuable learning and communication tools,
such
 as Google Scholar, Quizlet, and Canva. By accessing
to
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apply
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these tools,
teenagers
 can approach educational resources, collaborate with global friends and release quality products more easily and professionally.
In addition
, children’s critical thinking and digital literacy skills can be fostered and improved.
For example
, accessing
to
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apply
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IT requires critical assessment of information to avoid violating the rights and interests of other online participants.
Therefore
, it is somehow beneficial to modern
teenagers
 to be native
at
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to
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 IT. In conclusion, I partly agree that modern
teenagers
 rely too much on IT. Because the level of
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 reliance on IT
also
 depends on their ability to manage their time for IT.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and discusses both sides of the argument, which is excellent for task achievement. However, to further enhance your score, ensure every paragraph directly contributes to your argument or analysis. Adding more specific examples to strengthen your points would be beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and an evident introduction and conclusion. To improve your coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. Additionally, work on varying your sentence structure to enhance readability and flow.

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